Big Girls Don't Cry
by Renthead621
Summary: Resubmission of an old story.
1. Chapter 1

"Cal, where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do?" Roger asked looking down at her as she packed her bag.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll stop at home for a few days to see my parents and then see what I wanna do next." Callie told him quietly folding her clothes and putting them into her bag.

"I thought this was your home. We've been taking care of each other for the past 5 years. I thought we've been doing pretty good up until now." he argued looking over at her.

"We have Roger, but that's the thing. I've been taken care of my whole life. I have to learn how to take care of myself." she argued looking up at him. 

"We've been taking care of each other Cal. At least that's the way I see it."

"Roger, we both know that you've been taking care of me a lot more than I've taken care of you. I need to find myself. Someone who isn't attached to you." she looked up at him.

"Is it something I did? Whatever it is, I'm sorry. I'll do anything to fix it. Anything." he begged looking over at her.

"Roger, it's nothing you did. I just realized that I'm 22 years old and I've always had you in my life. There is not one memory I have from my childhood that doesn't have you in it. I need to find out who I am. I need to do something for me and being your groupie is not something I see myself doing for the rest of my life." she told him holding back tears.

"Cal, you're not just my groupie. You're the love of my life. You're my muse. You're my purpose in this world. My destiny." he said looking over at her as tears fell from his eyes.

"I know Roger and that's the problem. We've been in each other's lives for as long as we can remember. We don't know who we are without each other there. I mean, you have your music, which you're really great at. Now I need to find out who I am outside of being your girl. Don't you understand that?" she yelled at him so she wouldn't cry.

"Are you ever coming back?" he asked wiping his eyes.

"Yes, of course I'm coming back. You're my destiny Roger. I'm not leaving you. But I need to be by myself for a little while. Just to find out who I am." she said looking up at him trying not to cry.

"You're my girl Cal. You've always been my girl." he told her feigning a smile.

"I know Roger, but I need to be more before I can marry you. I don't want to grow to resent you because I had the chance to be anything more than your girl." she told him taking his hands in hers.

"I love you Cal. I don't want to lose you." he said holding her face in his hands like he's done a million times before.

" I love you too. I've always loved you. I just need to do this. I can't be the best woman for you if I can't be the best woman for myself. Please understand." she asked looking into his green eyes.

"I don't understand Cal, but I don't have a choice, huh?" he asked looking down into her bright blue eyes.

"I'm sorry Roger. Um... I gotta go. I'll call you, OK?" she said breaking away from him before closing her bag and putting it over her shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you Callie. Just remember that this is always your home, OK? I'll be here waiting for you." he said looking down at her.

"I know Roger. You've always been there. My whole life." she smiled looking up at him.

"I love you so much Callie." he whispered holding back tears.

"I love you more than you know Roger." she said turning quickly so he didn't see her start to cry. She had known Roger literally her whole life. His life was hers. They lived around the corner from one another in Scarsdale and their parents were very close. They were raised together. They were best friends. When they turned 12, he started developing feelings for her. By age 14 he had fallen in love with her. He finally worked up the nerve to ask her out right after their junior year started. They were 16. His father had gotten transferred to Milwaukee at the same time. He tried living with his friend Tom Collins and his parents, but his parents wanted to move him to Milwaukee at the end of the summer. Away from his girlfriend. Before the school year started, Roger and Callie ran away. They moved to New York City. Roger wanted to be a rock star and she wanted to be with Roger. They left in the middle of the night and never looked back. That was 5 years ago. Now they were 22 years old and Callie felt like she never did anything for herself. Roger said he understood, but he loved her so much he didn't want to let her go. He always knew he wanted to be with her and was scared that this was gonna be the last time he ever saw her.

As Callie stared up at the loft in the building on 11th Street between Avenues A & B, tears streamed down her face. She was scared to death, but knew she had to do this. She didn't want to resent Roger for the rest of her life for her not knowing who she was. She took one last look at the loft before turning around and heading uptown to the train station.

_10 years earlier_

"_Come on Roger. Dance with me." a 12 year old Callie smiled taking Rogers hand, dragging him onto the dance floor at their first middle school dance._

"_Um... I don't know. I don't know how to dance." he said looking down at her._

"_Oh come on. It's easy. Just follow me, OK?" she smiled looking up at him as she started dancing._

"_You're too good. I um... I can't dance with you. I'll look like a dork." he told her leaving the dance floor._

"_You're not gonna look like a dork. I'll show you what to do, just please dance with me." she begged chasing after him._

"_I um.. I don't want to." he said looking down at her._

"_Come on Roger, everyone's dancing but you. Even Collins." she smiled looking up at him._

"_So dance with Collins. I'm going outside." he said looking down at her before leaving the gym._

"_Roger, wait." she called out rushing after him. It was hard in her shoes though. It was the first pair of shoes she ever owned with heels and she wasn't used to them._

"_Go back inside and have fun Callie. I don't wanna ruin your good time." he said without turning around to face her._

"_Roger, come on. This is a dance. It's supposed to be fun and you're being a party pooper." she said following him._

"_Don't you mean dance pooper?" he asked opening the door._

"_There's no such word as dance pooper Roger." she laughed looking up at him._

"_Well... I don't dance. I don't even know how my parents talked me into this." he said sitting on the steps of the school._

"_Because it's supposed to be fun and you never leave your room these days. All you do is play that stupid guitar you got for your birthday." she said sitting next to him, careful not to get her new dress dirty._

"_I like my guitar. My teacher said I'm getting better at playing it." he said looking over at her._

"_Well, you don't come out and hang out with me, Ruth, Nicky, Mark or Collins anymore. We miss hanging out with you. I miss you." she said folding her arms because she was cold._

"_Why don't you go inside? You're cold." he told her taking his jacket off for her._

"_No, I'm OK. I want to stay out here with you." she smiled as he draped the jacket over her shoulders._

_"You're not OK. You wanna have fun and dance, but you're freezing out here listening to me bitch about how bored I am." he said with his arm around her shoulders to warm her up._

"_Roger, I just wanted to hang out with you. I miss you." she said looking up into his green eyes. She had looked into his eyes a million times before, but this time she felt different. She got a funny feeling in her stomach and her fingers and toes started to tingle._

"_Um... if I go inside, will you go in too?" he asked quickly taking his arm out from around her._

"_Um... yeah. Let's go inside. I won't make you dance, I promise." she agreed looking away from him._

"_OK. Let's go." he smiled getting up holding his hand out to help her up. She looked so pretty in her pink dress. Her hair was up and curled in banana curls. Her bangs were curled under and she was wearing clear lip gloss. _

"_Thanks." she smiled looking up at him as he opened the door for her and they entered the gym. _

"_Dude, where did you go? You're missing all the fun." Collins asked looking up at him as they came back in._

"_I um.. I just um... needed some air." Roger answered nervously._

"_How come you're not dancing? Man, this boy/ girl dance stuff is fun." Collins smiled looking over at him._

_"Yeah, I'm um... I'm not the dancing kind." he said watching Callie run over to Ruth and start dancing._

"_Do you have a thing for Callie?" Collins asked noticing Roger staring at Callie._

"_No. We're just friends." Roger told him defensively._

"_Yeah right, friends. Friends don't look at each other like that." he smiled looking over at him._

"_Would you quit it? I don't like her like that." Roger lied walking away to get a soda._

"_Fine, but I think she likes you too. You should have heard how excited she was that you were coming to the dance. She made her mom take her out to buy a new dress and shoes and even begged her to let her wear make up." he smiled looking over at him._

"_So. I don't care." he told him drinking his soda still watching Callie._

"_If you say so Roger." Collins conceded standing next to him as they watched Callie have fun dancing to the music._

"_Roger, what's the matter? Didn't you have fun at the dance?" Mrs. Davis asked looking over at Roger as he entered the house._

"_Yeah, it was um... it was OK." he mumbled going up to his room._

"_Was Callie there?" she asked following him to his room._

"_Yeah, she was there. She tried getting me to dance, but I told her I don't dance." he said looking down at the guitar._

"_OK, well I'm glad you had fun. Don't stay up too late, OK? No strumming on your guitar. It's too late." she said looking over at him before leaving the room._

"_Um... mom. Thanks for making me go. It was pretty cool." he smiled looking up at her._

"_No problem sweetie. Good night." she smiled before closing the door and going back downstairs._

When Roger snapped out of his thoughts, he looked around the loft, not knowing what to do. He had never been there without Callie before. He went over to the cabinet and took out all the pictures he had of her. Many were from when they were children. At each other's birthday parties, school, and summer camp. Him and Callie were inseparable. He didn't know what he was gonna do without her. He went into his room and started playing his guitar.


	2. Chapter 2

_6 Years earlier_

"_Later mom.__"__ 16 year old Roger shouted as he ran down the stairs towards the front door of the Davis house._

"_Wait a minute. Where are you going?__"__ she asked coming in from the kitchen._

"_I'm meeting Nicky, Ruth, Collins, Mark and Cal at the arcade. I'll be back before dark.__"__ he smiled looking over at her._

"_Be home before 7:00. Your father and I have something to tell you.__"__ she said looking over at him._

"_What's up mom?__"__ he asked curious._

"_We'll talk about it when your dad gets home. Go have fun with your friends.__"__ she said looking over at him._

"_Um... OK mom. I'll see you later.__"__ he said before leaving the house. As he walked to the mall, he wondered what his parents wanted to talk to him about. _

"_Roger, over here.__"__ Callie called out running to him._

"_Hey Cal.__"__ he smiled down at her as she grabbed his arm and dragged him into the arcade._

"_Come on. Everybody's waiting for us.__"__ she __smiled__ looking up at him as they approached the others._

"_Hey Rog, we've been waiting for you. What were you doing? Your hair?__"__ Collins laughed looking over at him._

"_You're not funny Collins.__"__ he said shoving his hands in his pockets before looking down at Callie._

"_It's OK Roger. Your hair looks really good.__"__ she smiled looking up at him. She was 5'6__"__ and beautiful. She had long golden blond hair and bright blue eyes. When she smiled, he melted. _

"_Thanks. I'm gonna go play Pac Man. Do you um... do you wanna come play 2 players with me?__"__ Roger smiled looking down at her as Nicky, Ruth, Mark and Collins smiled at them._

"_Definitely, I'm gonna kick your ass Davis.__"__ she laughed looking up at him before directing her attention to everyone else. __"__We'll hook up at the food court in a half an hour, OK?__"__ Callie smiled looking up at everyone._

___"__OK. We'll see you in 30.__"__ Collins smiled looking over at them as Callie took Roger's hand and dragged him to the video game._

"_When are they gonna stop dancing this dance? This is killing me.__"__ Ruth smiled looking up at Nicky._

"_I don't know, but I wish he would get the balls up to ask her out already, he's making me nuts.__"__ Mark smiled looking over at him._

"_They're both driving me crazy. Look at them.__"__ Nicky said watching them play Pac Man. Callie was shoving Roger away with her hips to mess him up and he was laughing._

"_If it doesn't have strings, he has no idea what to do with it.__"__ Ruth laughed looking up at Nicky who put his arms around her._

"_I have a feeling it won't be long.__"__ Collins smiled watching Roger and Callie flirt with one another._

"_God, I hope not. This is insane.__"__ Mark said watching them._

"_Come on. I wanna kick your ass at After Burn Collins.__"__ Nicky smiled looking up at him._

"_Bring it on white boy.__"__ Collins laughed wrapping his arm around his neck and giving him a noogie before dragging him over to the video game._

"_You suck Davis. Face it. I can not be beaten.__"__ Callie laughed as she played the game._

"_That's not fair. You keep distracting me.__"__ he laughed looking down at her._

___"__How did I distract you?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_Whenever I'm around you, I get, um... distracted.__"__ he smiled looking down at her._

"_Roger, do you like me?__"__ she asked turning to look up at him ignoring the game._

"_Um... yeah. I do.__"__ he smiled shoving his hands in his pockets nervously looking down into her blue eyes._

" _I like you too Roger. I have for a while.__"__ she smiled looking up at him._

"_I know. I read it in your diary.__"__ he smiled looking down at her surprised._

___"__You read my diary? When?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_My 12__th__ birthday. I came over to tell you about my parents getting me my guitar and then your mom called you, so I picked up your notebook. I thought it was a story or something. You wrote that you like me and you couldn't wait until you were 12 too so you could tell me. But you never did.__"__ he said looking down at her._

"_I was scared. I mean, we had known each other forever, and it was weird.__"__ she said looking up at him._

"_So what do we do now?__"__ he asked looking down at her._

"_Um... how about we just do this.__"__ she smiled moving closer to him. She took a hold of his leather jacket as he leaned down to kiss her. It felt like magic. They had both been wanting to do that for years, but now that they finally did it, it was better than either one of them ever could have imagined._

"_I'm in love with you Callie.__"__ he whispered looking down into her blue eyes before kissing her again._

"_I know. I'm in love with you too Roger.__"__ she smiled looking up at him. _

"_It's about time.__"__ Collins smiled elbowing Nicky so he could see Roger and Callie kissing._

"_Go Roger.__"__ Nicky smiled watching them._

"_Go Callie.__"__ Ruth laughed hitting Nicky's arm._

"_This is about to get very interesting.__"__ Mark smiled looking over at them._

"_You have no idea Cohen.__"__ Ruth smiled putting her arms around Nicky's waist smiling at them._

"_I um... I gotta be home by 7. My parents have something they want to tell me.__"__ Roger told her as they sat in the food court holding each other._

"_What do you think they want to talk to you about?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_I don't know, but whatever it is, I didn't do it. I haven't gotten into a fight since last year when Rob was bothering you.__"__ he said looking down at her._

"_I hope it's nothing serious.__"__ she said looking up at him._

"_Me too. Do you wanna start walking home now?__"__ Roger asked looking down at her._

"_Yeah. Um... where is everyone?__"__ she smiled looking up at him._

"_I think they ditched us.__"__ she laughed looking around the arcade._

"_They probably figured it was about time I asked you out. They didn't want to interrupt.__"__ he laughed leaning down to kiss her again._

"_Yeah, Ruth's been torturing me forever to tell you how I feel about you.__"__ she smiled looking into his green eyes._

"_I'm glad you did.__"__ he smiled leaning down to kiss her._

"_Me too.__"__ she smiled before they got up and started walking home._

"_Um... do you wanna go to the movies with me tomorrow night? Like a date?__"__ he smiled looking down at her._

"_Yeah, __I'd really like that. I mean, you're my boyfriend now, right?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_Yeah Cal. I'm your boyfriend now.__"__ he smiled holding her hand tight as they approached her house._

"_I had a great day.__"__ Roger smiled looking down at her as they stood outside her house._

"_Me too.__"__ she smiled looking up at him wrapping her arms around his waist._

"_So do you want me to call you after dinner?__"__ he asked looking down at her._

"_Roger, you call me every night after dinner anyway.__"__ she laughed leaning up to kiss him._

"_Right. Um... I'll talk to you later then.__"__ he laughed looking down at her before leaving to go home. As he walked around the corner to his house, he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. He couldn't believe that he finally worked up the nerve to tell Callie how he felt about her. When he walked in the door of his house, his parents were sitting at the dining room table._ _They looked like they were talking about something serious. __"__Um... hey guys. What's up?__"__ he asked taking his leather jacket off._

"_Roger can you sit down please?__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking up at him._

"_I didn't do anything. I've been doing all my homework and I haven't gotten into any fights in a while.__"__ he said sitting in the chair._

"_We know sweetie. Um... your dad and I have something to talk to you about.__"__ she said looking over at him._

"_What's up?__"__ he asked leaning on the table._

___"__I've been transferred. We're moving to Milwaukee.__"__ Mr. Davis said looking over at him._

"_Wait a minute. Just like that? We're moving to Milwaukee?__"__ he asked confused._

"_Roger, I have to do this. I worked really hard for it. Milwaukee is corporate headquarters.__"__ he said looking over at him._

"_What about us? What about school? My friends? Cal?__"__ he asked looking over at him._

"_Roger, they have schools in Milwaukee. You can make new friends. I have to do this. It's my job.__"__ Mr. Davis said looking over at him._

___"__Dad, I don't want to make new friends. I like my friends. Callie just became my girlfriend. I don't want to leave now.__"__ he told him upset before getting up from the table._

"_Roger, I'm sorry. I know this is bad timing, but I have to go. I have to feed my family and I'm finally an executive. I worked damn hard to get where I am.__"__ Mr. Davis said looking up at him._

___"No. __I'm not going. I want to stay here with my friends. With my girlfriend. And you can't make me go.__"__ he yelled grabbing his coat and running out of the house. He ran around the corner to Callie's house. She was sitting on the couch watching __TV__. He just looked through the window watching her __play with her hair__. She looked so beautiful. Even holding the remote in one hand and resting her feet on the coffee table. He took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. He watched her get up from the couch and rush to the door._

"_Roger, what are you doing here? Is everything OK?__"__ Callie asked looking up at him. She could tell he was upset._

"_My dad got transferred. __He wants to move us__ to Milwaukee.__"__ he said fighting back tears._

"_When do you __have to __go?__"__ she asked opening the door wider to let him in._

"_I'm not. I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you.__"__ he said looking down at her as tears fell from his eyes._

"_Roger you have to go. What about your parents?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_I'm not going Cal. We just started dating __and I don't want to leave you__. I'll stay with Mark or Collins or something. You know my mom'll let me. And you know Mrs. Cohen and love me. I don't know how they could just expect me to pick up and start somewhere else in my junior year. How could they do this to me?__"__ he asked looking down at her._

"_I don't know Roger.__"__ she said wrapping her arms around him. _

"_Cal, you're__ all I've ever known. You're my destiny. I know it. How am I supposed to leave you now. You just became my girlfriend. I don't want to leave you.__"__ he cried looking over at her._

"_I'm your destiny?__"__ she asked looking up at him in disbelief as tears rose to her eyes._

"_Yeah Cal, you are. I've known since I was 12 that I was meant to be with you. That's why you're my first and only girlfriend. I knew I would be with you and only you. I just got up the nerve to tell you how I feel and he wants to move us. It's not fair.__"__ he said looking down into her blue eyes as there was a knock on the door. _

"_That's probably your parents Roger. What are we gonna do?__"__ she asked looking up at him._

"_I don't care. I'm not going to Milwaukee with them. I won't. If they make me I'll __just__ run away and come back here.__"__ he told her wiping her eyes._

___"__Roger, open the door. We know you're here.__"__ Mr. Davis called out knocking harder._

"_I'm not going with them Cal. I'm staying here with you. No matter what happens, I'm staying here with you. I love you.__"__ he said leaning down to kiss her._

"_I love you too Roger.__"__ she smiled looking up at him before opening the door._

"_Hi Callie sweetie. Roger's here, right?__"__ Mrs. Davis asked looking down at the 16 year old._

"_Yeah Mrs. Davis. He's here. Um.. why don't you guys come in? You can talk to him in the living room.__"__ she smiled looking up at her as Roger went into the living room._

"_Baby, there's nothing to talk about. I'm not going to Milwaukee. This is my home and this is where I'm gonna stay.__"__ he said looking down at Callie._

"_Roger, we are a family and we go as a family. Your mother and I are going and so __are__ you. Now come home so we can talk about this.__"__ Mr. Davis said trying to stay calm._

"_Dad, whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Callie. She's my girlfriend __and my best friend__.__"__ he yelled looking over at him._

"_Roger honey, please calm down. We need to discuss this calmly.__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking over at him._

"_Scarsdale is all I've ever known. This is where my friends are. This is where my girlfriend is. How __can__ you expect me to just leave it all? I'm not going.__"__ he said looking over at them._

"_And where are you gonna stay Roger? You're 16 years old. How are you gonna pay bills? You can't take care of yourself.__"__ Mr. Davis asked looking over at his son._

"_I'll stay here. Or with Mark or Collins. Their moms are like moms to me __anyway. They helped raise me__. You know they'll let me. Just please dad. Don't make me leave. Not now.__"__ Roger pleaded looking over at his parents._

"_You are not staying here. Joe and Sue are not gonna let you stay here. Especially with you and Callie dating now.__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking over at him._

"_So I'll stay with Mark or Collins. Just don't make me leave Cal. Please.__"__ he pleaded looking over at them as Callie listened quietly._

"_Your father and I are gonna have to discuss this. I don't know how I feel about this. You staying here without us.__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking over at him._

"_Mom please. You don't understand. I've never been away from any of my friends for longer than a week my whole life. I mean, we all even went to the same summer camps together. And I just got the nerve to ask Callie out and now you guys are telling me I have to leave her. I can't. She's my destiny mom. I can't leave her. Please, just let me stay. I'll act like you guys are here, I swear. You know Mrs. Cohen and Mrs. Collins would never let anything happen to me.__"__ he begged looking over at her as Callie stood quietly in the corner of the living room with her arms folded across her chest. She hoped Mr. And Mrs. Davis let Roger stay. She had known him her whole life and knew they were destined to be __together._

"_We'll talk about it, OK? Now come on, we have to be getting home.__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking up at him._

"_You guys go ahead. I'll be home in a little bit. I just want to say good bye to Cal.__"__ he said looking over at her seeing she was a little upset._

"_If you want to come over for dinner Callie, you know you're more than welcome to. I know your parents are working late.__"__ Mrs. Davis said looking over at Callie._

"_Um... I'd like that Mrs. Davis thank you. Let me just leave a note for __them__, OK?__"__ she said looking over at her._

___"__OK sweetie. We'll see you two in a little while.__"__ Mrs. Davis smiled looking over at her before leaving the house._

"_Are you OK Cal?__"__ he asked walking over to her._

___"__Um... yeah, I'm fine. I'm just... I'm fine really.__"__ she started before walking away from him to leave a note for her parents._

"_Callie, I don't want to leave you either.__"__ he said going after her._

"_Roger, maybe it's for the best. Maybe we just have bad timing.__"__ she said not looking up at him._

"_You don't believe that Callie. I know you don't. I know you better than anyone. You believe as much as I do that we're meant to be together.__"__ he said reaching out for her._

"_Roger, they're your parents. You can't just expect them to leave you behind in Scarsdale while they move all the way to Wisconsin.__"__ she said looking up at him. She had tears falling from her eyes._

"_Cal, I've liked you like this since I was 12 years old. I've wanted to be with you since the first boy/ girl dance when you wore that pink dress and your hair was in those curls your mom used to put in your hair. That's a long time to be dreaming about being with someone. Today __we__ finally got up the nerve to do something about it and I don't want to let you go now. I'm in love with you Callie.__"__ he said looking down at her as tears entered his eyes._

"_I'm in love with you too Roger. I could never imagine my life without you in it. But if your dad has to go to Milwaukee, you really have to go with him.__"__ she cried looking up at him._

___"__No I don't. I'm gonna do everything I can to stay with you Baby. I promise.__"__ he said taking her into his arms._

"_I hope you can.__"__ she said looking up at him._

"_Me too Baby.__"__ he said quietly leaning down to kiss her head._

"_Come on. Your parents are probably wondering where we are.__"__ she said looking up at him wiping her eyes._

"_Fuck my parents. They drop this bomb on us and they expect us to just sit and eat with them. No way, we can stay here if you want.__"__ he offered looking down at her._

"_No, it's OK. I'm OK. Let's __just go and have dinner with them__, OK?__"__ she said looking up at him feigning a smile._

"_OK Baby. For you I'll do it.__"__ he smiled leaning down to kiss her. __"__I never get sick of doing that.__"__ he smiled leaning his forehead into hers caressing his face in his hands._

"_Me neither.__"__ she smiled looking up at him before they turned to leave the house._

"Roger, are you here?" Collins called out entering the loft.

"No." he called out from his room playing his guitar.

"What happened? You look like you just lost your best friend." he asked sitting on the bed.

"I did." he mumbled looking up at him.

"What do you mean? Did you and Callie have another fight?" he asked looking down at him.

"She um... she left." he said looking down at his guitar.

"What do you mean she left? Where did she go? Maureen and April's?" he asked looking over at him.

"No. She um... she left me." he told him quietly holding back tears.

"What do you mean she left you? Roger, you better start telling me what happened?. he told him frustrated before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Nothing happened, she just said that she needed to get away and find herself. She said that she didn't want to be my groupie her whole life. She's not my groupie. I never wanted her to be my groupie. All I wanted was a life with her. She's my whole life." he told him still looking down to hide the fact that tears had fallen from his eyes.

"She's coming back, right?" he asked looking over at him.

"She said she would. And she's my destiny, so I have to believe that she will." Roger told him before looking up at him.

"Roger, you have to go after her. You've been in love with her your whole life. You can't let her go." he said taking the guitar from him.

"I don't know where she went Collins. She just said that she needed to get away and be on her own for a while. To find out who she was without me." he cried before getting up from the bed.

"Do you think she's going home?" he asked looking up at him.

"This is our home. It's been our home for 5 years. We built a life together here. Everything I did here was for her. It was all for her." Roger yelled looking down at him tears streaming down his face.

"Roger, I meant Scarsdale?" he asked looking up at him.

"I don't know. She said she might stop there to see her parents for a few days until she figures out what she's gonna do next. But I can't suffocate her. If I do I could lose her forever." he said looking down at him. "No, I'm gonna let her figure out that she needs me just as much as I need her." he told him wiping his eyes.

"She's gonna realize it Roger. You two have never been away from each other for longer than a week your entire lives. You guys need each other. You'll see. She's gonna miss you just as much as you're gonna miss her. She'll be home before you know it." he said getting up to go to him.

"Thanks Collins. I know you're right. I just don't know what I'm gonna do if she doesn't come back. Collins, she's my life." he said looking up at him.

"I know man. You guys have been each other's lives since we were 3 years old. She'll realize that and come back to you." he said looking over at him.

"Why didn't I marry her when I wanted to? I'm so stupid." he asked looking up at him.

"Because she didn't want to. And you know she was right. You guys weren't ready. When she comes back, maybe she'll be ready." he said looking down at him.

"I hope so." he said looking up at him.

"Don't worry Rog. It's gonna be OK." he said looking over at him.


	3. Chapter 3

_6 years earlier_

"_What are we gonna do? If he doesn't want to come, we can't make him. You know he's only gonna run away and come back here to be with Callie." Mrs. Davis said looking up at her husband._

"_We can't just let him stay because we're afraid he's gonna run away. He's 16 years old. I don't think it's a good idea for him to stay here without us. Especially with Callie here. What if he gets himself in trouble?" he asked looking over at her._

"_He's in love with her Steve. He's been in love with her since he was younger. Way before now. I don't think he's gonna act irresponsibly with her." she said looking over at him._

"_Rita, you don't know that. He's a teenage boy. He has hormones that he can't control. You don't know what he's gonna do. Hell, he doesn't even know what he's gonna do." he said looking down at her._

"_I know he would never hurt Callie. They grew up together. They learned how to ride bicycles together. They've been inseparable since they were 3 years old." she said looking up at him._

"_And now they're dating." Mr. Davis said looking over at her._

"_Did you believe that? When he said she was his destiny? I never heard him talk like that." Mrs. Davis said looking over at him._

_"I know. It's scary. I've never seen him like that." he said looking over at her._

"_What are we gonna do?" Mrs. Davis asked looking over at him._

"_I don't know Rita. I just don't know." he said looking over at her before getting into bed next to her._

"_I'm gonna ask Evelyn and Chad if Roger can stay with them. At least until the summer." she said looking over at him._

"_If you think that's best. But I'm not gonna make a decision about that now." he said looking over at her._

"_OK. I just don't like the idea of leaving him here." he said looking over at her._

"_I don't either, but he's got a point. Scarsdale is all he's ever known. And this thing with him and Callie has been developing for years. It's nice to see him interested in something other than his guitar." she said looking over at him._

"_I know." he smiled laying down in the bed. "In a way, I wanna see how this all unfolds with them." he said looking over at her._

"_Me too. It'll be very interesting." she smiled as they started to go to sleep._

"_So you and Cal, huh?" Collins asked smiling over at Roger as they walked to school. Callie was walking with Ruth just ahead of them._

"_Yeah. I just felt like it was time for me to tell her how I felt about her." he smiled looking up at him._

"_That's really great Rog. I'm proud of you." he smiled looking down at him._

"_Yeah, too bad it could be over before it even begins." he said looking up at him._

"_What do you mean?" he asked confused._

"_My dad got transferred to Milwaukee. I don't want to go though." he said looking over at him._

"_You know my parents will let you stay with us. Would yours let you?" he asked looking over at him._

_"I don't know. They said they'd think about it. Which we both know is probably a no, but I have to try. I don't want to leave you guys. Especially Cal. I'm in love with her." he said looking up at him._

"_I know man. I've known since 6__th__ grade." he smiled looking down at him._

"_The first boy/girl dance." he smiled remembering._

"_You and Roger are dating, huh?" Ruth smiled looking over at Callie as they walked in front of Roger and the guys._

"_Yeah, it's about time. I've been in love with him for so long. All I've ever wanted was for him to be my boyfriend and now he's leaving." she said looking over at her._

"_He's not gonna leave. You know he loves you back. He's not gonna leave you." she said looking over at her._

"_I hope not Ruth. Roger said that I'm his destiny." she smiled looking at her best friend._

"_He said that?" Ruth asked her in disbelief._

"_That was my reaction, but I believe he is. We were always meant to be together." she smiled looking over at him._

"_You guys are destined to be together. I've known that forever. Everything is gonna be OK. You'll see." she smiled looking over at her._

"_I hope so." she told her quietly as Roger came up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist._

"_Hey Baby. What are you girls talking about?" he asked leaning down to kiss her head._

"_You." she laughed looking up at him._

"_Oh yeah? It better be about how sexy and amazing I am." he laughed looking down at her._

"_No, it was about how full of yourself you are Davis." Ruth laughed looking up at him._

"_But I love you anyway." Callie smiled looking up at him as he held her tight._

"_I love you too Callie." he smiled as they continued walking to school._

"Where's Roger?" Mark asked entering the loft.

"In his room." Collins told him reading a book on the couch.

"He's been in there for 6 months. Other than performing, he never comes out. Aren't you worried about him?" Mark asked looking over at him.

"Yeah, but what are we gonna do? We can't make him come out of his room. He's going through a lot right now." he said looking over at him.

"She's been gone 6 months. Do you think she's ever coming back?" Mark asked looking over at him.

"I don't know, man. I mean, she hasn't even called. I would have bet big money that she would have been back after a week. I hope it's not too much longer." Collins said looking over at him.

"Me neither." Mark said looking down at him.

"I'll be home late, so don't wait up, OK?" Roger said leaving his room carrying his guitar.

"OK. Have a good show." Mark said looking up at him.

"Yeah, whatever." he said going to the door.

"Roger, she'll be back soon. You just have to have faith." he said looking up at him.

"I don't think she's ever coming back Mark. She's been gone 6 months. But thanks for trying." he said before leaving the loft.

"Are you ever gonna call him?" a young woman asked as she and Callie sat in a bar in Los Angeles.

"I don't know. It's been 6 months. He probably has another girlfriend by now." Callie said looking over at her before taking another sip of her beer.

"You know that's not true. From everything you've told me about him, he's probably sitting in your bedroom playing his guitar." she smiled over at her.

"Tina, what would I say to him? I told him I'd call him a while ago. I was afraid if I did, hearing his voice asking me to come home would make me go back and I'm not ready to. Not yet." she said looking over at her.

"Cal, you need to call him. If not for you, for him. I'm sure he's worried about you." Tina said looking over at her.

"His birthday is next weekend. Maybe I could call him then. You know, just to wish him a happy birthday." she said looking over at her.

"Well, this is the first birthday you guys have had without each other. I'm sure it'll mean a lot if you called him." she said swigging back the rest of her beer.

"I know. I miss him so much. All I do is think about him." she said getting to go behind the bar for more beer.

"I know sweetie. But I'm sure he would love to hear from you." she said turning towards her.

"I'll think about it." she said putting the beer bottles on the bar.

"What are you doing out here anyway? I mean, you don't want to be a singer or an actress and that's the only reason people come to LA." she asked looking up at her.

"I needed to get as far away from Roger as I could. I've been with him my whole life. Literally. We grew up together and I don't have a single memory that does not involve him. Without Roger, I didn't know who I am. And now without him, I can't do anything without thinking about him. How stupid is that?" she asked looking over at her.

"It's not stupid. You haven't let yourself live without him. Call him, you'll feel better. And then maybe you'll be ready to start finding yourself. Then you can go back to him and continue your life together." she smiled looking over at her.

"Maybe." she said looking over at her. "OK. I'll call him for his birthday." she said looking over at him before drinking her beer.

"OK sweetie." she smiled looking over at her.


	4. Chapter 4

"So Roger, when are you gonna forget about Callie and go out with me?" the young redhead asked looking up at Roger as he got off stage.

"Not now April. I'm not in a mood for you right now." he said walking away from her.

"You know Roger, she's not coming back." she said following him.

"You don't know that." he said looking down at her.

"Yeah well, Maureen doesn't think she's coming back either." April said looking up at him.

"I wish you would stop talking about my life behind my back." he said looking down at her.

"We're roommates. We talk to each other." she said looking up at him.

"You guys don't know anything." he said taking the beer off of the bar drinking it.

"Well I see you here and you're lonely and pathetic. You look like you could use some company." she said drinking her martini.

"April just leave me alone." he yelled walking away to go out the back door to the alley. He reached into his leather jacket for a small baggie. He opened it up and dipped a key into it. He brought it up to his nose and snorted it's contents. He thought about Callie before dipping the key back into the baggie, taking another snort of cocaine. "Here's to you Baby." he whispered before putting the baggie away and going back inside.

"Come on, dance with me." April said taking his hand and dragging him onto the dance floor. There was a slow song playing on the jukebox and she grabbed him, pressing her body against his. He didn't have the energy to fight her anymore. He was numb. He let her hold him swaying to the music. "Do you want to get out of here and go back to my place?" she asked looking up at him.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be alone anymore." he told her quietly as she took his hand and led him out of the bar. When they got back to April's apartment, they had sex. The next morning he woke up and looked around at his surroundings. He didn't recognize where he was. He looked down at the woman laying next to him and couldn't believe who he was laying next to. "Oh man." he whispered looking over at her before starting to get dressed.

"Roger hey, you're up." she smiled looking up at him.

"Yeah, um.. I gotta be getting home. Mark, Collins and Benny are probably wondering where I am." he said looking down at her slipping on his socks.

"I was gonna make breakfast. Don't you want some?" she asked looking up at him.

"No... um, I gotta get out of here." he told her quietly before leaving the bedroom.

"Roger, what are you doing here?" Mark asked sitting on the couch.

"Um... Mark, hey... um...what are you doing here?" he asked looking over at him.

"My girlfriend lives here, remember? What are you doing here?" he asked looking up at him.

"Oh right... Um... I gotta go. I'll see you at home." he said rushing out the door.

"Good morning Mark." April smiled looking over at Mark as she came out of her room in a pair of short shorts and a cut off tank top.

"What are you doing April? You know he's still hung up on Callie." he asked looking up at her.

"Yeah well, he was lonely and she's not here so I had to be." she said going into the kitchen and pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"April, you know he still loves her. He'll always love her." he said getting up to talk to her.

"I'm not looked for love Mark. I just want to hang out with him. It's not a big deal." she said taking her coffee and going towards her room.

"He's my best friend April. I'm not gonna see him get hurt." he said looking over at her.

"We're not getting into a relationship Mark. We're just friends hanging out, having sex. Good sex by the way." she told him going into her room and closing the door.

"Whatever." he said looking over at her as Maureen came out of the bedroom.

"Who was at the door?" she asked playing with her hair.

"Roger. He just left. Him and April slept together last night." he said looking over at her.

"What about Callie? Did she call? Did they break up?" she asked looking over at him.

"Not that I know of, but I don't like this. Roger's gonna be really screwed up now." he said looking over at her.

"Oh yeah, he was doing so great before." she said sarcastically. "I'm gonna go talk to her." Maureen said looking over at him.

"Don't bother. I already tried." he said as she walked towards April's bedroom door.

"Yeah well, I'm not gonna let her hurt him anymore than Callie being gone already has." she said barging into April's room. "April, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked walking over to her bed.

"I'm drinking coffee listening to music. Why?" she asked looking up at her.

"You know what I'm talking about. You know how much he still loves Callie. Did you really think sleeping with him was gonna make him just forget about that?" she asked looking down at her.

"I don't know Maureen, but he has to get over her eventually. So why not with me?" she asked looking up at her.

"Because you're not Callie, April. Just don't hurt him, OK?" she said looking down at her.

"I'm not trying to hurt him Maureen. I'm trying to help him. You should have seen how he looked last night. He was like a lost puppy. I was trying to make him feel better. And the sex was great, so I guess he felt better for a little while." she said looking up at her.

"That's not what I'm talking about April, and you know it. He's very fragile these days. He's gonna get hurt and I'm afraid he can't handle that right now." she yelled looking down at her.

"Maureen, I'm just trying to help him. Obviously, leaving him alone isn't working. It's been 6 months and he still hasn't started to move on with his life. Someone had to do something." she yelled looking up at her.

"April, leave him alone, OK? I'm serious. Roger is off limits." she told her before storming out of the bedroom.

"We'll see." she said quietly before Maureen closed the door.

"Where were you all night?" Benny asked looking up at Roger as he sat at the metal counter drinking coffee and reading the paper.

"Nowhere." he answered going straight into his room.

"What's with him?" Benny asked looking over at Collins who was sitting on the window seat reading a book.

"I have a feeling he did something he regrets." he said getting up to go to Roger's room. "Rog, I'm coming in." he said entering Roger's bedroom.

"Go away Collins. I really need to be alone right now." he said laying on his bed.

"What did you do?" he asked sitting on the bed.

"Not what. Who?" he said looking up at him.

"Oh Roger. What did you do?" he asked looking down at him.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said holding his pillow tight not facing him.

"You know you can tell me, right?" he asked looking over at him.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it." he yelled getting out of the bed and going to his dresser where his pictures of Callie were.

"Roger, talk to me. Where were you all night?" he asked looking over at him.

"I slept with April. Damn, I'm so stupid." he yelled running his fingers through his hair.

"Dude, April? Are you serious?" he asked looking up at him.

"I know. It was stupid. She just got me at a weak moment and I guess I let it happen." he said looking down at him.

"Yeah well, if you'd stop shoving that shit up your nose, you'd have better judgment." Collins yelled looking up at him.

"Collins you have no idea. It just hurts so much not having her here. I'm sick of being alone." he yelled looking down at him.

"I know Rog. I love her too. But she's gonna call any day now and then she'll come home. You'll see." he said looking over at her.

"I've been hoping for 6 months, but I'm starting to think it's never gonna happen. She's gone for good." he said looking down at the picture of Callie.

"I don't think she's gone for good Roger. She just needed some time. She still loves you." he said going over to him.

"What makes you so sure?" he asked looking over at him.

"Because I grew up with you guys, remember? A love like yours doesn't die. You're each other's destiny." he said looking down at him.

"I'm starting to think I have to find myself a new destiny." he said looking up at him.

"She'll call Roger. You'll see." he said putting his hand on Roger's shoulder.

"How do you know that?" he asked looking over at him.

"Because she the only woman I'll ever love. Trust me man. I know her." he said before leaving the room.

"Thanks man." Roger said watching him leave before laying back down in his bed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you call Roger yet?" Tina asked looking over at her.

"No, not yet. I don't know if I can. What if he hates me?" she asked looking over at her staring at the phone.

"He could never hate you Cal. He's in love with you. You said he wanted to marry you." she said sitting next to her.

"He did. But I wasn't ready to get married. I don't know why I didn't just do it anyway. I mean, I have loved him my whole life and I know I'm gonna wind up married to him anyway." she said looking over at her.

"Call him Callie. You'll feel better and I'm sure you'll make him feel better too. I'm pretty sure he's worried sick about you." she said looking over at her.

"Um... Tina, I was thinking Can I borrow your frequent flyer miles?" she asked looking over at her.

"Sure sweetie, but for what?" she asked looking over at her confused.

"I'm thinking of flying to New York to surprise him. Just for a couple of days. I miss him." she said looking over at her.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea? I mean, you haven't seen him in over 6 months. You might see him and want to stay." she said looking over at her.

"I have to see him T. I can't not see him for his birthday." she said looking over at her.

"OK sweetie. I'll call and make the arrangements." she smiled looking over at her.

"Thanks Tina. I really appreciate this. We've spent every birthday together since we were kids. It's a tradition." she said looking over at her.

"I know sweetie. I understand. Now, go pack some stuff. I'll schedule your return flight for Saturday, OK? That give you 5 days with him." she smiled looking over at her.

"Thanks." she smiled getting up to pack her bag.

"Roger, come back to bed." April called out as Roger stood in the bathroom snorting a line of cocaine off of the broken mirror that was under the sink. She and April had gotten into an argument one day and broke the mirror. Maureen kept it under the sink to check the back of her hair..

"Yeah, I'm coming. Hang out." he called out putting the baggie away.

"You know, it's your birthday, we really should do something awesome tonight to celebrate. Something other than snorting lines in the bathroom." she smiled looking up at him.

"Why? There's nothing to celebrate." he asked entering the bedroom again.

"But it's your birthday. You should have fun." she smiled looking up at him seductively.

"So, I'm not in a mood to have fun. Why don't you order some food?" he said looking down at her.

"OK, I'll order a pizza. Are you gonna eat anything?" she asked looking up at him.

"No, I'm not hungry." he said looking over at her.

"Well if you'd stop doing coke long enough, you'd have more of an appetite." she said reaching over for the phone.

"No, I'm just not hungry. Do you want a beer?" he asked going back into the kitchen.

"Sure. I'm getting pepperoni on it, so you better eat at least one slice." she yelled dialing the phone.

"Whatever." he called out as there was knock on the door. "Are you expecting anyone?" he asked going towards the door. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts.

"No. Maybe Maureen forgot her keys." she yelled from the bedroom.

"I'll get it." he yelled going over to open the door. "Maureen, did you forget your...?" he started when he looked down and saw who it was. "Cal." he said quietly looking down at her.

"Roger. Um... what are you doing here?" she asked looking up at him. "And why are you in your underwear?" she asked as tears filled her eyes.

"Who's at the door Baby?" April asked coming out in a cut off t-shirt and her underwear. "Oh my God, um... Carrie right? What are you doing here?" she asked surprised.

"You know damn well who I am April. We used to be friends." she yelled looking over at her.

"Right. Callie. Sorry, I'm a little tired. I don't get much sleep these days. Ever since me and Roger started dating." she smiled looking over at her.

"Shut up April. What are you doing here Cal?" he asked looking down at her.

"Apparently ruining your birthday. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I should have just called you like I was going to." she cried turning around to leave.

"Cal, wait. Please." he called out rushing after her.

"Roger, you're in your underwear in another girls apartment. What am I waiting for? For you to tell me it's not what it looks like? We both know that would be a lie." she asked turning to look at him.

"I'm sorry Baby. But you left me. For 6 months, I didn't hear anything from you. What was I supposed to do? I was lonely." he yelled looking down at her.

"Roger, I left because I needed to find myself. I didn't call you because I was afraid that you would convince me to come home and I wasn't ready yet. I knew you could convince me to come home. You're the only one who could." she cried looking up at him.

"Oh, so now this is your home?" he asked looking down at her.

"It's always been my home Roger. Wherever you are has always been my home, but then I come back to surprise you for your birthday and you're sleeping with April? April of all people? April used to be my friend and now you're sleeping with her?" she yelled looking up at him.

"I'm sorry Cal. I love you. I've always loved you. I never stopped loving you Baby." he said moving towards her.

"No, don't call me Baby. You don't get to sleep with April and still call me Baby. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come. Um... happy birthday." she cried running away from him.

"Callie, wait." he yelled starting to chase her but stopping when he realized that he wasn't wearing any pants.

"Roger, let her go. She left you. What did she expect you to do?" April said standing in the doorway.

"Did you see how hurt she was? I swore years ago I would never hurt her." he cried entering the apartment again.

"Roger, it's her own fault. I mean, didn't she think you were gonna move on? It's been 6 months." she asked looking over at him.

"Shut up April. Just shut up, OK? I need my shit." he yelled going into the bathroom.

"Roger, don't do that. Please." she begged looking up at him.

"Why the hell not? I just lost everything I ever loved." he asked looking up at her.

"I um... I got something better." she said going into the bedroom and reaching into her nightstand. She took out a baggie with whitish powder.

"What makes that better? I got the same thing." he said looking over at her.

"It's smack." she said taking a spoon out and a needle. "So do you still think your stuff is better?" she asked looking up at him.

"Is it gonna numb this pain I'm feeling?" he asked looking down at her.

"Better than the stuff you're using." she said starting to cook it up.

"Load it up." he told her sitting next to her getting ready to numb his pain.

As Callie rushed through the streets of the East Village, she was crying so hard, she could barely see where she was going. Soon she ran into someone. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going." she cried not looking up.

"Cal? You're home. What's wrong Babygirl?" Collins asked recognizing who had run into him.

"I... went... to... Maureen's... and..." she started collapsing into his arms.

"Oh honey, you saw Roger didn't you?'" she nodded as he held her tighter. "I'm so sorry Babygirl. We all tried to talk to him, but you know Roger. He's lost without you." he said comforting her.

"When?" she asked looking up at him.

"About a month or so. He's been going through a lot of shit." he said looking down at her.

"Why would he do this to me Collins? I mean, I know I screwed up by not calling him, but I was afraid he was gonna talk me into coming home. If he asked me to, I would have." she said looking up at him.

"I know Babygirl. Roger just hasn't been doing too good since you left. Why don't you come to the loft and we can talk." he said looking down at her.

"I can't. What if Roger comes by? I don't think I could handle seeing him again after this." she cried looking up at him.

"He won't Babygirl. He's been staying at April's lately and knowing you're home... I don't think he's stupid enough to come by." he said looking down at her.

"OK. I'm only here until Tuesday." she said looking up at him.

"I'll call Roger and have him stay at April's if you want." he offered looking down at her.

"I don't want to see him. I don't want to be anywhere near him." she cried looking up at him.

"I know sweetie. Let's go. You look like you could use some rest." he said holding her around her shoulders.

"Thank you Collins. I really appreciate you not hating me for leaving and not calling." she said looking up at him.

"I could never hate you Babygirl. You're one of my best friends. And the only girl I'll ever love." he smiled leaning down to kiss her head before leading her to the loft.

_5 and a half years earlier._

"_What do you mean, you and Roger are running away? What are you gonna do? Where are you gonna go?" Collins asked looking over at them as they sat in the food court at the arcade._

_"It's the only thing we can do. Roger's parents are taking him to Milwaukee and we don't want to be apart. We're each other's destiny." Callie said looking over at him._

"_But what are you gonna do?" he asked looking over at them as Roger held Callie in his arms._

"_We're running away to New York. We'll call you when we're settled so you know where we are. We just need to do this Collins. Don't hate us, OK?" Roger asked looking over at him._

"_I could never hate you two. I love you guys so much. I understand why you have to do this. Just make sure you call me so I don't worry about you, OK?" he insisted looking over at them._

"_We will Collins. We promise. We love you so much too. We love you for who you are." she smiled getting up to hug him._

"_You always have Babygirl." he smiled hugging her tight._

"_I love you." she whispered hugging him tight._

"Callie, oh my god. When did you get home?" Maureen said running over to her.

"I'm um... I'm not home. I just came to surprise Roger for his birthday. Except I was the one who got surprised. I went to your place to talk to you first to see if he hated me and then I saw him with April." she cried crying into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I tried to talk to him, but he's been really bad. He's drinking a lot, he's snorting coke. We can't get through to him." she said hugging her tight.

"This is all my fault. I should have called him, but I was afraid he was gonna talk me into coming home before I was ready and I couldn't. I have to find out who I am without him." she rambled crying more.

"I know sweetie. I understand. You have to take care of yourself first. Roger is responsible for Roger. You can't take the blame. I tried talking to April too, but neither one of them will listen to me. You know what a bitch April is." she said comforting her.

"What am I gonna do now Maureen? Roger's the only man I could ever love. The only man I've ever been with and now he's with someone else." she cried looking over at her.

"I don't know sweetie. But we'll get you through this together." she said looking over at her.

"I think I'm need to lay down for a little while. I'm really tired from the flight and it hasn't exactly been the homecoming I expected." she said wiping her eyes.

"OK sweetie. I understand. Do you want to lay down in Mark's room?" she asked looking down at her.

"No, I wanna lay down in my room. I miss being in my bed." she said looking over at her.

"OK sweetie. I'll check on you in a little while." she said as Callie walked towards her room.

"OK." she said walking into the bedroom. When she sat down on the bed, she noticed on the nightstand there was a picture of her and Roger sitting on it. They were happy. It was taken at their first school dance as boyfriend and girlfriend. Roger was holding her tight looking down at her as she looked at Mark, who took the picture. "Roger, how can you do this to us? I don't understand." she cried quietly clutching the picture before laying down on the bed and crying herself to sleep.

"What are we gonna do?" Maureen asked looking up at Mark and Collins.

"Well, she's been gone 6 months without so much as a phone call to let us know she was OK, what was he supposed to do?" Mark asked looking over at her.

"What are you saying Mark? That she deserved to come home to this?" Maureen asked looking over at him.

"No that's not what I'm saying Maureen, I'm just saying, you see how he's been suffering since she left. What was he supposed to do? Put his life on hold and pine for her?" he asked looking over at her.

"Mark, that's just like you. Defending Roger till the end. You know, if you were your own person for 5 minutes, you would see that Roger is on a really bad path. The one good thing that's ever happened in his life is right in there and he screwed it up." she told him quietly but angry.

"Maureen, I grew up with them. I had to deal with them running away and their parents grilling me trying to find out where they were. They're my best friends. Do you think I like seeing them like this? Roger's a cokehead and Callie, up until today was missing in action. I hate seeing them apart and it's only gonna get worse. So don't tell me that all I do is defend Roger. I'm pissed as all hell at him, but I'm pissed at her for leaving us too. What am I gonna do? We all tried talking to both Roger and April and look where it got us. With one of my best friends on the planet heartbroken and the other one killing himself." he yelled looking over at her before storming out of the loft.

"We have to do something Collins." Maureen said looking up at Collins.

"I agree Babygirl, but what?" he asked looking down at her.

"I don't know, but I know where to start. Stay here with Callie. Don't let her leave. Please." she said leaving the loft.


	6. Chapter 6

"Roger, April. What the hell is going on?" Maureen yelled waking them up. She saw the spoon, needle and the empty baggie on the nightstand.

"Get out of my room Maureen." April yelled looking up at her.

"I'm talking to Roger, not you April. I'll deal with you later." she yelled pointing at her.

"Piss off Maureen." Roger grumbled rolling over in the bed.

"Have you graduated to more than coke? Nice Roger. The love of your life is at the loft passed out from crying over you and you're here strung out on heroin. Do you even give a damn about the fact that you broke the poor girl's heart?" she yelled going over to the other side of the bed.

"She's the one who left me Maureen. Or did you forget. I'm sure she pined away over me, wherever the hell she disappeared to when she left me to find herself." he yelled sitting up in the bed.

"I'm sure she did. She didn't leave to get away from you. She left to find out who she was outside of you, you jackass. You know a love like yours is epic. It's historic and you could have blown it. All she wanted to do was find out who she was outside of you and you couldn't stay straight long enough to keep it in your pants." she yelled looking down at him.

"You don't know what the hell it's like Maureen. One day everything is great between us and the next she's telling me she has to leave to find herself. I always knew who I wanted to be and that's her husband, but she said no too many times and then she left. I had to move on with my life." he yelled at her getting out of the bed.

"And she came to surprise you for your birthday and she's the one who got the surprise, huh?" she asked looking up at him.

"She could have at least called me. I thought she forgot about me. What was I supposed to do Maureen? Wait forever?" he asked looking over at her.

"Yes, if need be. You love her and you know she could never stop loving you. If you had a half a brain in your head, you'd go to the loft and beg her forgiveness." she said looking over at him.

"He's with me now Maureen. I know you don't approve, but that's the way it is." April said looking up at her friend.

"You shut up. I said I'd deal with you later." Maureen yelled looking over at her roommate.

"I'm not going over there Maureen. She probably hates me." Roger said looking down at her.

"She doesn't hate you. She's laying down in your bed. The bed you and she shared for 5 years probably clutching a picture of you and her in her arms." she said looking up at him.

"I should talk to her, shouldn't I?" Roger asked looking down at her.

"Baby, you don't have to do that. She left you without calling or anything. You don't owe her anything." April said looking over at him.

"April, so help me God, I'll kick your ass if you don't shut up right now. I don't care if you pay half the rent." she yelled looking over at her.

"What am I gonna say to her?" he asked looking down at Maureen.

"Sorry for starters. And you have to stop using. You're killing yourself." she said looking up at him.

"April I have to go. I have to see if I still have a chance." he said looking over at her.

"Whatever. I'm not allowed to talk anyway. My own roommate is against me on this one. So just do whatever you want." she said getting out of bed and going into the bathroom.

"Can you come with me Maureen? She's gonna need you there. When she left out of here, she was really upset. I'm glad she's safe at the loft." he said looking over at her.

"Collins found her and brought her home. We would do anything for her." she said looking up at him.

"Thanks." he said starting to leave the bedroom.

"Um.. Roger, clothes." she said giggling a little amused by his nervousness.

"Oh.. right. Sorry. I'll be out in a minute." he said looking over at her.

"OK. I'll run interference with the wicked witch of the east village." she said looking up at him.

"Thanks. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I've been so fucked up lately, I wasn't." he said looking down at her.

"How long have you been doing... you know, that stuff?" she asked pointing at the nightstand.

"Today was the first time. But the coke is my fault. I've been really stupid Maureen. I just hope she forgives me. And you guys too." he said looking down at her.

"Roger, we understand how hard this has been for you. The love of your life leaves and you don't know what to do. You've never had to live without her before. It's understandable that you would fall apart." she said looking up at him.

"Thanks Maureen. I don't deserve it, but your forgiveness means a lot to me." he said looking down at her.

"I'm gonna go in the living room. You get dressed." she smiled looking up at him.

"OK Maureen." he said looking down at her as she left the room.

"Maureen, what the hell is your problem? Roger's with me now and I'm really not liking you encouraging him to go back to his old girlfriend." April said sitting on the couch.

"She's not his old girlfriend April. They're technically still dating. You really need to stay out of it. And I don't appreciate you making him a junkie. That's the last thing he needs right now." she yelled looking down at her.

"Well you know what? You can blame your best friend Callie for that one. He needed to forget and I just helped him. I didn't force him to put it in his veins." she said getting up.

"Yeah well, now he wants to go talk to her and I'm not gonna let you stop him. April, you saw them together. You know they're meant for each other." Maureen said looking over at her.

"If they were meant for each other, why did she leave him? I didn't chase her away, I was just here to pick up the pieces. So before you start yelling at me for being with him, I think you should remember who left and who was left behind." April yelled as Roger came out of the bedroom.

"Are you um... ready to go Maureen?" he asked not looking up at April.

"Yeah, I'm more than ready." she said looking up at him.

"When she rejects you again, I'll still be here for you Roger." April said going into her room.

"She's not gonna reject you Roger. She loves you. She's just really hurt right now." Maureen told him before they left the apartment.

"I know and it's all my fault. I have to try to make it up to her. She's my life Maureen. I just hope it's not too late." he said looking down at her.

"It's never too late. You guys can get past anything." she said as they walked back to the loft.

"Are you OK Babygirl?" Collins asked as Callie came out of hers and Roger's bedroom.

"No. What am I gonna do now? My whole life I've had Roger there. I only left because I didn't know who I was without him. I didn't want to be his groupie forever and now I lost him because of that one stupid decision." she said looking up at him.

"You did not lose him Cal. He's still in love with you. Something must have broke inside of him a month ago, because that's when he changed. He's been trying to get through without you. But you know Roger, he's not very good at it." he said looking over at her.

"I'm so sorry Collins. I never meant to hurt him. Or you guys. I know I should have called, but I was so scared. I was afraid that if I talked to him, he would convince me to come home and I would have too. I've always been Roger's girl. Even when we were little before we started dating. Our parents used to tease us all the time. My dad would call Roger my other half and Roger's parents would call me the little woman. That's why I didn't want to get married last year. I was so scared that I would look back in a few years and realize that I've never been anything without Roger and then I would resent him. I didn't want to do that. I love him too much to end up resenting him for something I was too chicken shit to do. And that's break away from him and be my own person." she cried sitting on the window seat.

"I understand what you were doing Babygirl. So did Roger. He's just lost without you. He's never been good at anything but you. Except of course his guitar." he said looking over at her.

"And now April's got the man I was destined to marry and I'm the one who's lost now." she said looking over at him with tears falling from her eyes.

"No she doesn't. I've always been yours Cal. Just like you've always been mine." Roger told her quietly standing at the door.

"What the hell is he doing here?" she asked Maureen getting up from the window seat and moving towards Mark's room.

"I brought him here Callie. You need to talk to him and hear him out. You know he would never mean to hurt you. Just listen to him, OK?" Maureen said rushing over to her.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she asked bitterly as Roger looked down ashamed.

"She's not my girlfriend Cal. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen. I've been really lost without you. You never called me and I was worried about you and..." he started when she interrupted him.

"Not too worried to sleep with one of my friends, huh? I guess she didn't want to waste any time pouncing on you." she yelled as Maureen put her arms around her.

"Sweetie, calm down. You should listen to what he has to say. If not for him, do it for your relationship. You guys have been through so much in the time you've been together. You can't just throw that away." she said looking over at her.

"I'm not the one who slept with someone else. I was totally faithful to you in LA. I never even thought about being with anyone else. I just concentrated on trying to find out who I am so I could get back to you and we could get married like we planned." she yelled looking over at him.

"And did you find yourself out there in La la land?" he asked sarcastically.

"I don't know." she cried looking down.

"So what are you doing home?" he asked looking over at her.

"I wanted to see you for your birthday. We've never been apart for our birthdays. I didn't want to break tradition. But I see that was a mistake." she said looking over at him.

"It wasn't a mistake sweetie. You guys have just been through so much, you need to work thinks out." Maureen cut in.

"Maureen, can we be alone please?" Callie asked looking over at her.

"Come on Maureen. Let me buy you a drink." Collins smiled looking over at Callie who gave him a nod.

"Are you sure Cal?" she asked looking over at her.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Go ahead. We'll be fine." she said looking over at her.

"OK sweetie. Where's Mark?" she asked looking up at him.

"He's still out. We'll go look for him if you want to." he offered looking down at her.

"No, it's OK. If there's one thing I know about Mark, it's to leave him alone when he needs his space." she said as they walked down the stairs.

"Do you think it's OK to leave them alone in there?" Collins said looking over at her.

"Yeah, I think it's gonna be OK. They just need to be alone. They have a lot to talk about." she said looking up at him.

"Cal, can we sit down please?" he asked walking towards her.

"I'm fine where I am Roger. Just say what you came here to say." she told him wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry about April. I just... I don't know. She caught me at a weak moment and I've been getting high. But I'm done with that now. You're home and that's all that matters now." he said standing a few feet away from her.

"I'm not home Roger. Not for good anyway. I just came for your birthday. I needed to see you. I should have just called you like I was planning on doing to begin with." she said walking around the couch towards her room.

"It wasn't a mistake. Baby, I love you. I'm glad you're here." he said following her.

"Yeah, so glad I found you with one of my friends. Great." she said looking over at him.

"I said I'm sorry Cal. Things have been really hard for me. Not knowing where you were, when or even if you were coming home. I just messed up so bad Baby. I'm sorry." he said as she sat on the bed.

"Do you remember when this was taken?" she smiled down at the picture she left laying on the bed.

"It was our first school dance as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was the first dance I actually danced at. I complained, but I still danced." he said sitting on the bed next to her.

"Things were so easy back then, huh? We were so young then. It feels like a lifetime ago." she said still looking at the picture.

"Are you happy in LA?" he asked looking down at her.

"I'm not there to be happy Roger. I mean, my roommate Tina is really great and I waitress in a bar there. Not much different then what I did here. But I'm living on my own and I started writing again." she said looking up at him.

"So your writers block is gone?" he asked moving closer to her.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that. I mean, it's not nobel prize worthy stuff, but it's a start." she said looking up at him.

"I'm really proud of you Cal. I know how hard it was when you weren't writing." he said looking over at her.

"Yeah, I'm trying." she said looking over at him.

"I love you so much Cal." he smiled looking over at her.

"I love you too Roger, but I'm afraid it might not be enough this time." she said looking over at him.

"What do you mean? Last year we were gonna get married and now you want to break up?" he asked looking over at her.

"No Roger, you wanted to get married last year. I wanted to find out who I was first. I mean, I didn't want to be defined for the rest of my life for being your girl. I didn't want to resent you for the rest of my life because I didn't have an identity of my own." she yelled getting up off of the bed.

"So that's it? You just want to end this because I made one mistake." he asked looking up at her.

"We both made mistakes Roger. I shouldn't have come back. This was a huge mistake." she said going towards her bag and starting towards the door.

"So you're gonna leave again? Callista Marie Stevens, leaving again. What a shock." he yelled getting up from the bed.

"Screw you Roger. Oh wait a minute, that's April's job." she yelled crying.

"You left me Callie. 6 damn months ago. You have no idea what not knowing where you were did to me. I was worried, I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I tried waiting for you, but I got sick of being alone. I always had you in my life and then one day you weren't." he yelled going after her.

"And now you don't have to be. You have April. I have to go Roger. I can't stay here anymore. It's too hard. I love you." she yelled turning around and leaving.

"Cal wait. Baby, please wait. Don't leave me again. I'm sorry. I need you. I love you." he yelled down at the stairs as he heard the door slam behind her. "DAMN IT!" he yelled running his fingers through his hair. As Callie ran to the Life Cafe, she stopped short of the door. She looked inside and saw Collins and Maureen talking to Mark. She was gonna go in, but decided against it. She turned and went to the train to get a hotel room until Tuesday. Far away from Roger and the East Village.

Roger went into his room and cried into his hands. What had he done? He ruined everything between him and Callie and now she was gone for good. He looked down at the picture that was on his nightstand before getting up and leaving the loft. He walked around the corner to the Life Cafe to see if Callie was there. He wanted to try to get her back. He looked in the window and all he saw was Mark, Maureen and Collins, but no Callie. He walked through the park, when he didn't find her, he started back towards the loft. He didn't want to go home though. He knew it was a bad idea, but he went to April's. He knocked on the door and leaned against the doorway.

"You came back. Does that mean Callie's gone?" she asked looking up at him.

"Yeah. She ended it. I screwed up so bad April." he cried looking down at her.

"Come on in. Um... do you want something to make you feel better?" she asked opening the door wider for him.

"Yeah. Is my shit still here?" he asked looking down at her.

"You don't need that Baby. I have just what you need." she said taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom.

"Good. I need to forget, April. I need to forget everything." he cried looking down at her.

"It's OK. I'll take care of you." she said sitting on the bed next to him.

"I need to forget." he whispered as she reached over to the nightstand for her works.


	7. Chapter 7

"Be quiet, they're probably asleep. It's been a very emotional day." Maureen said quietly as they entered the loft.

"I hope everything worked out OK. I missed having Cal here." Collins smiled looking over at her.

"Well, first thing in the morning, I'm going back to my place and kicking April out on her scrawny ass." she said looking up at him.

"Why don't you move in with us? It'll be like the old days. You, me, Roger, Cal, and Collins." Mark suggested looking up at her.

"That's a great idea. Why don't we go over there now and pick up a couple of thing now?" she smiled looking up at him.

"I'm game." Collins smiled looking over at her as they left the loft again. When they got to Maureen's apartment, Roger was just coming out of the bathroom. He was in his boxers and he looked strung out.

"Roger, what the hell is going on? We thought you'd be home with Callie?" Maureen yelled shocked.

"She left me again. This time for good." he told her walking slowly to April's bedroom.

"What the hell do you mean she left you for good?" she asked following him.

"Uh, do you mind Maureen. This is my room." April asked sitting up in bed.

"Still not talking to you." she yelled looking down at her addressing Roger again.

"She broke up with me. She couldn't get over me sleeping with April, so she left again and she's not coming back this time." he told her emotionless.

"Roger, what happened to you? What are you on?" she asked looking down at him.

"Something to make me forget the bad stuff. I can't do this anymore Maureen. I can't think about Callie anymore. I need to get her out of my head." he said looking over at her.

"This is not happening. Where did she go? Did she tell you where she was going?" she asked looking up at him.

"No, she didn't take the time to tell me where she was going as she was running out on me again. She probably went back to LA." he yelled looking over at her before drinking his beer.

"Her return flight isn't until Tuesday, so you still have time to make things right. But coming over here is not the way to do it." she yelled looking over at him.

"I didn't take advantage of him Maureen. He just needed to forget. I helped him." April said looking down at her.

"You know what April, your voice, I don't need to hear anymore. I'm moving out, so you can find a new roommate so you can poach her friends. Just keep your hands off of mine." Maureen yelled looking over at her.

"You know what Maureen? I'm done. I'm not gonna run after her. Callie made her choice and I'm making mine. I needed to get on with my life and now I can. It's over between us." he said looking up at her. His had dark circles under his eyes and he looked defeated.

"Fine Roger. If you say so. But I can't do this with you anymore. I can't watch you kill yourself and I will not watch you with April. I refuse. To me you will always belong to Callie." she yelled running out of the room, past Mark and Collins and out of the apartment.

"Roger, get your shit out of the loft." Mark told him quietly before leaving behind her.

"What the hell is his problem?" he asked looking over at Collins.

"Roger, you had everything a man could ever want and you blew it. You really blew it. She never asked you for anything. All she ever wanted was for you to love her enough to wait for her to figure out who she was and you couldn't even give that to her. I'm really disappointed in you." Collins said before leaving too.

"It's OK Baby. Everything is gonna be OK. Do you want another hit?" she asked looking over at him. At first he didn't answer. He just looked down, ashamed and humiliated. "Roger, do you want another hit?" she asked again touching his arm.

"Um... yeah. Yeah, I do." he answered looking over at her.

Callie walked through the city trying to find a hotel to say at. It had started raining, so it was gettting cold. It made her think back to a day a few years earlier with Roger. It was summer and it had just started down pouring. They were out at Thompkins Square Park enjoying a beautiful day.

_3 years earlier_

"_Oh my God Roger." Callie squealed gripping his hand laughing as they ran under an awning for cover from the rain._

"_I can't believe how the sky just opened up like that. It was sunny and gorgeous like 5 minutes ago." he laughed looking down at her as he shook the water out of his spiked hair._

"_I know. Wow. I've never seen a storm like this." she laughed looking up at the sky._

"_Me neither, but it's quickly becoming my favorite one yet." he laughed wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her to him._

"_Oh yeah? Why's that?" she laughed wrapping her arms around his neck._

"_Your t-shirt is all wet. Leaves little to the imagination." he whispered leaning down to kiss her neck._

_"Oh my God. Great, that's all I need. The whole neighborhood to see my nipples." she laughed looking down at her wet white t-shirt._

"_Come on, let's go home and get you out of those cold, wet clothes." he suggested smiling down at her._

"_Oh yeah, smooth move Davis. Don't use the fact that my clothes are wet as an excuse to get me out of them. You always want to get me out of my clothes." she laughed looking up into his green eyes._

"_You're sexy, I can't help that." he smiled leaning down to kiss her._

"_Oh really? You think I'm sexy?" she asked looking up at him._

"_I've always thought you were sexy Cal." he whispered leaning his forehead into hers. "Marry me." he asked looking down at her._

"_What?" she asked looking up at him surprised._

"_Let's get married." he smiled looking down into her eyes._

"_Um... Roger, we're only 19. I'm not ready to get married yet." she said looking up at him._

"_Cal, we know we're gonna end up together, so why not get married now?" he asked loosening his hold on her._

"_Because, there's so much we need to do before we get married. I mean, we need to do first. You wanted to score a record deal before we got married and I gotta get rid of this writer's block, so I could at least start on my book. It's not time yet." she said looking up at him._

"_I love you Cal. I've always loved you. I'm never gonna love another woman. I know I said I wanted to have a record deal first and have some money, but I was 17 when I said that. I don't wanna wait any longer. I want to get married now." he smiled looking down at her._

"_How about we talk about it another time, OK? Right now, we really should get home out of the rain. I know I want to get out of these clothes and into a hot shower with my incredible boyfriend." she smiled looking up at him changing the subject._

"_Why don't you want to marry me Cal?" he asked as the smiled faded from his face._

"_I want to marry you Roger. I really do. I just don't want to be 19 and married. Once we get married, I wanna have kids and I'm not ready for that yet. There's so much I want to do first. So much we want to do first. We're too young for that." she said looking up into his green eyes._

"_OK Cal, you win. We'll wait to get married. But I know I want to marry you. I've wanted to marry you for as long as I can remember." he said taking her face into his hands._

"_I want to marry you too. Roger, you're my destiny. You always have been. I just think we need to do the things we've been wanting to do first before we settle down." she said looking up at him._

"_You're right. I'm just being impulsive again." he smiled leaning in to kiss her._

"_That's OK, I like your impulsiveness. I never know what to expect with you. And I like that. I like that you want to marry me too. But we just need to do what we're gonna do before we can give each other our full lives and start our family." she smiled reaching up to caress his face._

"_I know. That's why I love you so much. You're so smart." he smiled kissing her again. "Now come on, let's get home. I think it's starting to let up." he said looking up at the sky._

"_So what. Let it pour." she laughed looking up at him as he wrapped his arms around her and they walked home._

"Callie? Is that you?" a young woman called out approaching her as she stood under an awning out of the rain.

"Hi Allie." she smiled through her tears.

"When did you get home sweetie? And why are you all the way up here in the rain?" she asked rushing under the awning clutching an umbrella.

"I got in a few hours ago. I wanted to surprise Roger for his birthday. I screwed things up Allie. I really messed up." she cried looking up at her.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. We tried our best, but he's just too far gone. He missed you so much and I guess he didn't have the energy to fight her off anymore. I never liked that April girl. I told Benny that she was gonna be trouble and I was right. What are you gonna do sweetie?" she asked looking over at her.

"I don't know. I can't go back to the loft. Roger's there and I broke up with him. I can't leave for LA until Tuesday, so I'm stuck." she cried looking up at her.

"You are not stuck, that's for sure. You'll stay with me and Benny. We have plenty of room and you're our friend. We would never leave you out in the cold like this." she said looking down at her.

"I can't. I don't want to see Roger. I can't see Roger. I just can't Allie." she cried more looking up at her friend.

"Don't worry sweetie. It'll be OK. You don't have to see Roger if you don't want to. You know he never travels north of 14th Street anyway. He'll never find you up here." she said leaning down to pick up her duffle bag.

"Allie, what am I gonna do? I've never been anything but Roger's girl my whole life. Even in LA, I was always his girl. Now he's got April and it's because of me. I messed everything up." she cried looking up at her.

"You did not mess anything up Callie. You just needed to find yourself. He didn't have to sleep with one of our friends while you were gone. I'm sure you didn't sleep with anyone in LA." she said looking over at her.

"I didn't. I just tried working and concentrating on finding myself so I could get home to Roger so we could get married. He's been wanting to get married for a few years and I always stopped him. I mean, I didn't want to get married and wind up resenting him for the rest of my life because I never got to find out who I was outside of being his girl. I wanted to find myself away from him, so I could be a better person for him and for myself." she cried looking up at her.

"I know sweetie. I understand exactly where you're coming from." she said looking down at her.

"Benny would never do that to you. He loves you so much. And I thought Roger loved me too. I really did. I believed that with him loving me, I could do anything, but he doesn't love me Allie. He's with April now." she cried as Allison put her arms around her.

"Sweetie, he loves you so much. You have to believe that. He loves you so much that his heart ached while you were gone. Not knowing where you were, if you were OK, or even if you were coming home scared the hell out of him. He locked himself in his room for 6 months. Up until a couple of weeks ago, he only left to perform and then he'd come home and stare at pictures of you and him. He started using cocaine to dull the pain of losing you. Then I guess April got him when he was vulnerable. That bitch always did know when to pounce." she said trying to comfort her.

"Allie, can we go back to your apartment please. I really need to lay down. I'm so tired." she cried looking up at her.

"Sure sweetie. Anything you want. But I want you to eat first. I'm sure you haven't eaten all day." she said leading her back to hers and Benny's apartment.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do now Allie? He's all I've ever known. All I've ever loved. What am I gonna do now that I'm not Roger's girl anymore?" she asked looking up at her as the women huddled under the umbrella.

"I don't know sweetie. I don't know." she told her helpless to comfort her friend from this incredible pain.


	8. Chapter 8

"She's asleep finally. I can't believe she came home and caught Roger and April together." Allison whispered coming out of the guest bedroom.

"He is such a jackass. What the hell is he thinking? He knows that Callie's the only one for him. They're each other's destiny. That's all I heard since I moved in. I'm gonna friggin kill him." Benny said getting up off of the couch to pace the apartment.

"Benny, keep your voice down. I don't want to wake her. She's had a really hard day. I'm sure when she woke up this morning, she pictured herself entering the loft and jumping into Roger's arms, him telling her how much he missed her and begging her to come home for good, but instead she walks into Maureen's place to find him in his underwear with April." she said quietly looking up at him.

"Why did she go to Maureen first? Did she tell you?" he asked looking over at her.

"Yeah, she said she was scared to go straight to the loft and she wanted to talk to Maureen or April to see if Roger hated her. I guess she got her answer." she said sitting on the couch.

"He doesn't hate her Allie. He hates himself for not being able to hang on to her, so he started shoving that shit up his nose to dull the pain of losing her and you know April. She's had her eye on him for a long time. She just saw an opportunity and she grabbed it. You all wondered why I always hated that slut, this is why." he said going into the kitchen.

"Benny, what are we gonna do? We have to talk some sense into him. Without Callie, he's a mess." she asked getting up and going into the kitchen.

"What is there to do? He's made his choice. According to Mark, he's shooting up with her now. He doesn't give a damn about anything but that now. You have no idea how bad I wanna go down there and kick the living piss out of him for what he's doing to her and himself." he told her looking down clearly upset.

"Benny, you can't kick his ass." she told him starting to laugh.

"Well I can't sit by and watch my friends hurting like this. Roger's killing himself and out of all the years I've known Callie, I've never seen her so defeated. She was always the one of us that was so full of life and saw the good in any situation. Now look at her. The one time she goes and does something for herself and this is what she has to come home to." he said looking over at her.

"I know Baby, but there's nothing we can do. We've tried so many times to talk some sense into him, but he's a stubborn jackass." she said looking over at him.

"I just don't like my friends like this. Especially since they're meant to be together. They need each other to live. I knew that the first time I came to the loft with Collins before I moved in. You could just see it, you know? I can't accept that there is nothing I can do for them." he said sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I know Baby. I hate seeing them like this too, but we can't do anything. We're helpless. All we can do is be here for Callie and hope it's enough." she said sitting next to him as Callie stood in the doorway of the guest bedroom listening.

"How could you have kicked him out? Mark, do you realize there is no getting him back now?" Maureen asked looking over at Mark as they sat in the loft.

"There's no getting him back now anyway. He's gone Maureen. He broke Cal's heart and he's shooting himself up with too much shit, he's not the same Roger I grew up with. He's not the same Roger Callie fell in love with." he yelled looking over at her as he got up to pace around the loft.

"So now Roger's gone and we don't know where Callie is. Again. This is not what I pictured when I woke up this morning." she told him starting to cry.

"I'm gonna call Benny. Maybe she went to see Allie. You know they've always been close." Collins said getting up from the couch.

"It doesn't matter Collins. She's never gonna come home now. Roger hurt her too bad." Maureen said looking over at him.

"Well, I have to try something. Because I'm not gonna be the one to try and find her after he dies of an overdose and break the news to her. There are very few things that I won't do for them and that is definitely on the top of the list." he yelled looking up at her as he grabbed the phone. It took Maureen by surprise. Collins never yelled at anyone. She's heard Mark yell at Roger, Callie yell at Roger and Roger yell at... everyone, but never heard Collins yell. He was the most relaxed man on the planet. She knew that only meant that he was hurt over what was going on between Roger and Callie. He had known them since they were children and always knew that they were meant to be together..

"Mark, what are we gonna do?" Maureen asked quietly walking over to him.

"I'm done Maureen. I'm not taking care of Roger anymore. I'm not gonna live in the same house with him shooting heroin. The snorting coke was one thing, but smack Maureen? That's some heavy shit. He could get all kinds of diseases from that. Hepatitis, HIV. This isn't a game." he said looking over at her.

"You may want to give up on him, but I can't. My best friend has loved him her whole life. There's a lot at stake if something happens to him." she said looking down at him.

"Allie said Cal's there. Thank God. I'm gonna go over and talk to her." Collins said hanging up the phone.

"Can I go with you? Please?" Maureen asked looking over at him.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea? Maybe she doesn't want a lot of visitors." Mark asked looking over at her.

"I don't give a damn Mark. She's my best friend and she needs me. I'm not gonna let her shut me out. She did that once and look how great that turned out." she yelled grabbing her jacket again following Collins out of the loft, leaving Mark alone in the loft. He looked around and realized that the old days were gone for good. The days of coming home and catching Roger tickling Callie on the couch were gone. Life as he knew it for so long was gone and they would never be that way again.

"Where is she?" Maureen asked rushing into Benny and Allison's apartment.

"In the guest room. She was pretty bad when I found her. She was standing under an awning crying a few blocks away. What the hell happened?" she asked looking up at Collins.

"Roger. He's graduated from cocaine to heroin. He's really bad Al. She came home to see him for his birthday and she walked in on him half naked with April. It's not good." Collins told her quietly entering the apartment.

"What are we gonna do? We have to do something for them. After everything they did for us, we can't just let it end like this." Allison asked looking up at Collins, tears filled her eyes.

"I don't know if there's anything we can do. This is something they need to figure out for themselves. I just hope it's not too late." he told her as Callie came out of the guest room.

"You called them?" she asked looking up at Allison obviously upset.

"No sweetie. They called here looking for you. I didn't know you didn't want anyone to know where you were. They were worried about you sweetie. We all are." she said going to her.

"Well I don't need anyone worrying about me. I just need someplace to stay until Tuesday so I can go back to LA and never see Roger again." she cried going back into the bedroom slamming the door behind her.

"I'll um... I'll go talk to her. She's had rough day." Maureen said going towards the bedroom.

"It's OK Maureen. This is a lot for her to handle." Allison said looking over at her.

"I just hate seeing her like this, you know? I mean, this is Cal. She's home." Maureen cried as Allison put her arms around her.

"I know sweetie. This was supposed to be a great homecoming for her and it turned into the worst nightmare a woman could go through. She just needs time alone to sort all of it out. Why don't I make everyone drinks? I'm sure we could all use it." she offered looking over at her.

"Maybe you're right." Maureen smiled looking up at her wiping her tears from her eyes.

"Where's Mark?" Benny asked looking up at Maureen.

"He's at the loft. He can't handle this either. The only good relationship he's ever seen was Roger and Callie and to have it end like this is too much for him. He threw Roger out of the loft." she said looking over at him as Allison went to the bar and made drinks.

"What do you mean, he threw him out of the loft?" he asked looking over at her.

"I'm moving out of my apartment, so when we went to pick up stuff, we caught Roger there and he was all strung out and Mark just hit a breaking point. He threw him out." Collins said looking over at him.

"Mark has defended Roger his whole life. What would make him throw him out?" he asked walking towards her.

"He's sick of it. He couldn't take seeing Roger act like this. He snapped." she cried looking up at him.

"How did things get so fucked up?" he asked putting his arms around her.

"I don't know." she cried leaning her head into his chest.

_A year ago_

"_OK, so what's the scoop?" Allison asked looking over at Callie as they sat in the loft drinking beer that Collins got them._

"_What do you mean?" she asked taking a swig from her bottle._

"_With you and Roger. Tell me everything. I mean, you guys are so attached to each other, I know it's gotta be good." she laughed folding her legs underneath her._

"_We grew up together. We don't know who we are without each other there." she smiled leaning forward to put the beer bottle on the coffee table._

"_How long have you guys been dating?" she asked looking up at her._

"_4 years now, I guess. I mean, we used to hang out everyday after school at the arcade in our neighborhood and one day, we were playing Pac Man, and I was kicking his ass by the way, when he finally got up the nerve to ask me out." she laughed looking over at her._

"_Wow. 4 years. How come you guys aren't married yet?" she asked looking over at her._

"_I don't know. I mean, there are a lot of things we want to do before we have a kids and if we get married, there won't be any excuses not to have kids. He has his music career and I have to do stuff before I settle down. He wants to get married, but I'm not ready." she said looking over at her._

"_He's gonna be a great husband, you know." she smiled looking over at her._

"_I know. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm scared that I'm not gonna be much of a wife to him. At least not until I find out who I am first." she said looking down before leaning up for her beer again._

"_What do you mean, you have to find out who you are first? You're Roger's girl. That's really big. When he's up there on stage, all the girls are falling all over themselves to get him to notice them, but all he sees is you. You're his reason for living." she smiled looking over at her._

"_I know. And it's great. I mean, when Roger looks at me, I get this charge of energy going through my body. But I wanna be more than just Roger's girl, you know? I want to be my own person. I've never had anything but Roger to hold me up. My parents were lawyers, so they worked all the time and I spent 99 % of my life at Roger's house. We used to have sleepovers and stuff. Well, until we were 11 anyway. Then. I used to sleep in his bed and his parents would make him sleep on the couch. I never had anything that was just mine." she said looking up at her._

"_You have Roger's love. And he loves you so much. I can tell. I mean, he tries to be the tough guy, bad ass rocker on stage, but his heart is mush when he's around you." she smiled leaning her elbow on the back of the couch._

"_I just want more Allie. Have you ever just wanted more? Have you ever looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at you?" she asked looking over at her._

"_All the time. When your daddy's rich, he can buy anything or anyone he wants. It's intimidating." she said looking over at her._

"_I don't know Allie. I mean, I love Roger so much. He's the love of my life and I know I'm gonna end up with him. He's my destiny. But I want to be able to know who I am before I fully devote my life to him" she said getting up from the couch._

"_How did you guys end up in the East Village?" she asked looking up at her._

"_We ran away when we were 17. His parents moved to Milwaukee, but he didn't want to go. He stayed with Collins until the end of our junior year. But then his parents wanted to move him to Milwaukee with them to do his senior year, so we ran away. We didn't want to be apart. After senior year, Collins moved in with us and then Mark moved in with us after he dropped out of Brown. Then Collins brought Benny home to hang out and he needed a place to crash and here we are." she smiled looking over at her._

"_Yep, here we are. You know Cal, you've been the only girl for so long. The princess. The guys all worship you. I wasn't sure how I'd get along with you. I mean, you've been best friends with Maureen since she started dating Mark, but essentially it's just been you. I like hanging out here with you." she smiled looking up at him._

"_Me too Allie. I may be the princess around her, but that doesn't mean anyone really hears me when I talk to them. They're still guys." she said looking down at her._

"_Well, I'm listening Cal." she smiled looking up at her._

"_Thanks." she smiled looking down at the floor before taking another swig of her beer._

"Cal, I'm sorry. Cal please. I love you. Don't leave me again." Roger cried in his sleep as April woke up.

"Roger. Roger, wake up. You're having a nightmare." she said shaking him from his sleep.

"Callie." he yelled bolting up in the bed.

"No Baby, it's me. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you." she said taking him into her arms.

"April, what the hell am I doing? I gotta be crazy. I just lost the only woman I could ever love and I'm here with you." he yelled getting out of bed.

"Roger, she doesn't want anything to do with you. You can't force her to love you." she asked looking up at him.

"She already loves me. She always did. But I fucked it all up. How could I be so stupid? I have to go. I have to find her. I have to fix this." he rambled getting dressed.

"Roger, she's gone. She broke it off. You're free. Come back to bed." she said looking up at him.

"April, you were one of her friends. How could you not feel bad about this?" he asked looking down at her.

"She left you Roger. If she loved you so much, why did she leave you? Did you ever think about that?" she asked getting out of bed going to him.

"She left because she needed to find out who she was. I was so stupid and self centered, I didn't listen. She tried to tell me, but all I wanted to do was get married so I wouldn't lose her and I lost her anyway. I gotta go. I gotta go find her." he said tying his boots before rushing out of the apartment leaving April standing in her underwear and a cut off t-shirt alone. Roger ran to the loft to see if Callie came back. When he stormed into the loft, he found Mark sitting on the window seat drinking a cup of tea. His knees were brought up tight to his chest and he looked deep in thought. "Mark, is she here? Tell me she's here." he begged running into his room.

"No. She's at Benny and Allie's. I'm sure you're the last person she wants to see." he told him quietly unfolding his legs and draping them over the side of the window seat.

"I fucked up Mark. Damn, I fucked up so bad. I need her. I need to get her back. My life is nothing without her." he told him walking towards him.

"Well you really blew it this time Roger. She's never gonna stay now and that's on your head." Mark said getting up from the seat.

"Don't you think I know that? God, how could I be so stupid. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that she left, I didn't stop to think for a second why she left. I understand now. She's always been my girl and not much else. She needed to be Callie for once and I screwed up. I was so self centered, I lost her. I gotta make it right with her." he told him before turning around and leaving the loft.

"Roger, what about your new girlfriend April and your new habit?" he asked rushing after him.

"She's not my girlfriend Mark. I'm done. I swear I'm done. I need to get Callie back. I'm her man. That's all I ever wanted to be. My whole life, I only wanted to be with her. I have to make it right Mark. I have to." he yelled still running down the stairs.

"Good luck." Mark muttered on the stairs watching his best friend leave to get the love of his life back.


	9. Chapter 9

"Allie, open the door." Roger called out pounding on the door.

"How did he know I was here?" Callie asked looking up at Maureen with tears in her eyes.

"Mark probably told him." Collins said looking down at her.

"I don't want to see him. Please, just get rid of him." Callie pleaded rushing off to the guest bedroom, closing the door.

"Well, this is not gonna work. If she won't even see him, how are we supposed to get them back together?" Allison asked looking over at Benny.

"Me and Collins are gonna go out and talk to him, you two go talk to her." Benny said getting up and going to the door.

"Where is she Benny? I need to see her. I need to make things right with her. I fucked up so bad, I need to fix this." Roger rambled rushing into the apartment.

"Roger, she's having a really rough time right now. Why don't we go out for some coffee and let Allie and Maureen talk to her." Benny suggested looking over at him.

"I can't leave her. I didn't understand what she was doing when she left. I didn't listen. I was so selfish and stupid, but I understand now. I understand. Baby, I understand. I'm sorry." he called out hoping she would hear him.

"Rog, she needs time to sort this out. It's a lot for her to handle." Collins said looking over at him.

"I love her man. I have never loved anyone the way I love her. I've loved her my whole life man. I understand that she wants to be something other than being my girl, but I wanna be her man. I've always been her man. Please, let me talk to her. I need to fix this." he pleaded as tears entered his eyes.

"I don't think it's gonna be that easy Roger. You screwed up pretty bad." Benny said looking over at him.

"Don't you think I know that man? I hate myself more than any of you could hate me, but I love her. I'm so in love with her. I'm done. No more drugs, no more April. I just want her. She's all I ever wanted." he said looking over at him.

"Rog, let's just go get some coffee. None of us have really slept and I think we just need to caffeine jolt to start thinking straight again." Collins said trying to usher him out of the apartment.

"I don't want to leave her Collins. I love her." he cried looking over at him.

"I know you do Roger. Things have just been really messed up lately and we need to take a step back and evaluate everything. To suck it all in and figure out the best course of action. We're on your side Roger. We want you guys back together as much as you do. You just really screwed up." Collins said looking down at him.

"I know man. I screwed up so bad. I just hope there's something I can do to fix it." he said looking up at him.

"Let's get some coffee and let the girls talk to Callie. I'm sure knowing that you love her enough to come after her is gonna make a difference." Benny smiled looking up at him.

"I've been so stupid Benny. I didn't listen when she said she needed to do more than just be my girl. I understand now. I really do. I've been performing and trying to get a record deal and she's been right there cheering me on the whole time. I should have been cheering her on too. Whatever she wanted to do, I should have been cheering her on instead of trying to get her to marry me." he cried looking up at him.

"I know Rog. Come on. I'll buy you breakfast. I'm sure you haven't eaten much lately." Benny smiled patting him on the shoulder as they left the apartment.

"Did you hear that honey? He loves you so much. He came after you to tell you that. And he understands why you went to LA." Maureen said smiling over at Callie who was crying on the bed.

"Why did he have to do that? I was OK with just breaking it off and moving on. Now he's here and he's sorry and he wants to make it up to me. Why is he doing this to me?" she cried as Allison held her in her arms.

"Because he loves you Callie. You're his life. He understands that you want more than to just be his girl. He just wants to be your man. Honey, maybe you should talk to him and give him another chance. Maybe take him to LA, so you can give him the chance to be there for you now." she suggested looking down at her.

"But what about April? The drugs? That's not the Roger I know. That's not the Roger I fell in love with." she asked looking up at her.

"But what if he's the old Roger again? Your Roger? You guys are so in love. You can get past this." Allison said looking down at her.

"I don't know if we can. Too much has happened." she cried looking up at her.

"If anyone can survive this sweetie, it's you and Roger. You guys came here with nothing but some savings when you were 17 years old and you've seen each other through a lot. What makes you think you guys can't get past this too?" Maureen asked looking down at her.

"I don't know." she wept quietly laying down and crying into the pillow.

"I need to make things right with her Collins. I need to. She's my life. My destiny. She's who I'm meant to be with." Roger rambled as they sat in a small diner on the upper east side.

"OK Roger, calm down. No more coffee for him." Collins smiled reaching over to take Roger's cup away.

"Did you do anything before you came here Roger?" Benny asked looking over at him.

"No man. I mean, me and April did some... you know, but that was like 6 hours ago. I'm not on anything, I swear. I'm clean right now. I didn't want to come to Cal all messed up. She'd never forgive me if I did. I knew I had to do it as her Roger. I'm her Roger, man. I need to be with her. You don't understand." he said looking over at him.

"I do understand, man. You're my best friend. I understand perfectly." Collins smiled looking over at him as Maureen entered the diner. She looked really tired.

"Is she ready to see me? I really need to tell her how sorry I am Maureen. I need to make it up to her." Roger said looking up at her as she sat in the booth.

"I don't know sweetie. But I do think you need to go talk to her and apologize. You need to do whatever it takes to get her back. You guys belong together." she said taking the coffee that was in front of Collins before adding milk and sugar to it.

"I want to. If I have to go to LA with her and just be her man, I'll do it. I'm willing to give up everything I have for her. Because I have nothing without her." he said looking over at her.

"Are you wired? Because if you are..." she started when he interrupted her.

"No, I'm clean, I swear. I would never come to her if I was high or anything. I just need her back Maureen. I need her in my life." he said looking over at her.

"Well, I think you need to go and talk to her. But not now. She's resting. She hasn't really slept much and her mind has been spinning these last 24 hours. Honey, she loves you. I know she does. She wouldn't be so torn and conflicted if she didn't. You're her life just as much as she's yours. You just need to make amends with her over what's been happening." she said looking over at her.

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I'll go to LA with her and just be there for her. Support her in whatever she feels she needs to do. I didn't understand before why she left me. That's why I've been acting like this. I've been such a selfish jerk lately. But I understand now. She's been my girl her whole life. Even when we were little. She needs to find out who she is outside of me. I was too stupid to realize it until now. But I do. I swear I do." he said looking over at her.

"I believe you Roger. And you coming after her really did something. She wasn't ready to face you, but at the same time she was happy that you loved her enough to come after her to tell you how sorry you were and how much you need and love her." she said drinking her coffee.

"Where's Allie?" Benny asked looking up at her.

"She's with her. We don't trust her not to run as soon as she's alone. She needs to face you and her feelings for you and your feelings for her. She needs to see how much you guys deserve to be together. But Roger, stop using. That is a must. And stop seeing April. She's bad news. She only cares about herself. She doesn't even care about you. If she did, she wouldn't have pushed you into doing something she knew you didn't want to do." she said looking up at him.

"Maureen, in a way I did want to do it. I mean, I was so lonely and I missed feeling loved. But I know she doesn't love me. She just... caught me at a weak moment. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you're moving out of your apartment, but I'm glad you're moving in the loft. I need a girl to tell me when I'm being a total jackass and put me in line." he smiled looking over at her.

"Well, I love you and Callie so much Roger. You two are probably the healthiest relationship any of us has seen. You guys are epic. You're each other's destiny and you've always known that.." she smiled reaching over to touch his hand.

"Thanks Maureen. You're the best. Really. Mark hurts you, you call me. I'll kick his ass." he smiled leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"I can handle film boy. But first, you need to take care of someone else." she smiled pointing behind him to the door. Callie and Allison were standing there.

"Wish me luck." he smiled looking over at them.

"Good luck Roger." Maureen smiled before he got up and went to her.

"Cal, can we go for a walk? Alone?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah. I think that's a good idea." she smiled looking up at him as Allison walked towards the table.

"Do you think this is the beginning of things going back to normal?" Benny asked looking over at Collins.

"I hope so. I don't want to live in a world where those two are not together." he answered looking down at the table.

"Roger, I'm sorry I left. Again. I should have stuck around and tried working things out with you. I'm sorry that me leaving when things get tough is becoming a pattern?" she said looking up at him. He looked so tired, but she could see the light in his green eyes that always made her believe that everything was gonna be OK.

"I'm sorry for everything Cal. I really messed up. I was so selfish and self centered. I didn't understand why you needed to leave and be on your own. But I do now. I know how hard it was for you to see me up on stage doing what I love and you just standing in the crowd cheering me on. You needed someone to cheer you on. I'll do that. I wanna do whatever you need me to do. I wanna be your man again. I loved being your man. I didn't realize it until I wasn't anymore. I fell apart and I'm really sorry. You needed me to understand you and for the first time in our lives, I didn't." he rambled holding her hand tight as they leaned against the building.

"I felt like you wouldn't understand why I needed to do it, so I was afraid to call you because I was afraid you would ask me to come home and hearing your voice would make me jump on the first plane home to be with you. I'm so sorry I didn't call you, at least to tell you I was OK." she cried looking up at him.

"Baby, I understand. And you were right. If you would have called me, I would have been pathetic, pleading you to come home. But I didn't understand back then. I do now. I understand that the sooner you find yourself, the sooner you can come home to me and we can get married. I still want to marry you Cal. That's all I've ever wanted. That is, if you still want to marry me too?" he asked looking down at her.

"Of course I still want to marry you Roger." she cried throwing her arms around him.

"I don't deserve you Cal. I screwed up so bad. But I'm done. No more drugs and no more April. I swear. I'll go to LA with you if you want me to and I'll do anything I can to support what you want. I'll even get my own place so you can stay on your own if you want." he offered as she looked up at him.

"You would do that?" she asked looking into his green eyes.

"I'll do anything to be your man again Cal. Anything." he whispered leaning down to kiss her. It had been over 6 months since he felt her lips against his and he fell right into it. "I love you so much Cal." he smiled looking down at her.

"I love you too Roger." she smiled holding him close to her.

"They're baaaack." Collins sung putting his arms around Maureen as they watched from the window.

"Thank God. I don't know what I would do if they couldn't patch things up." Allison said looking up Benny.

_9 months ago_

"_Come on Cal, we gotta go." Roger called out rushing around the loft getting ready for the show._

"_I'm not going." she said coming out of their bedroom._

"_But Baby, you gotta go. You're my girl. My muse. I can't go on without you." he said looking down at her._

"_I wanna be more then just your groupie Roger. I have things I want to do with my life too." she said looking up at him._

"_Whatever you want to do I'll support you, but I need to look out there and see you cheering me on." he said looking down at her._

"_It's not that. Roger, I have an idea for a story and I really want to start it." she said looking up at him._

"_Can it wait Baby? I go on in an hour and I'm gonna need to do sound check and stuff." he asked walking away from her to get his guitar._

"_Yeah, I guess it has to." she said quietly before finishing up so they can leave._

"_Are you mad?" he asked looking down at her._

"_No, I'm not mad Roger. You need me there." she said looking up at him feigning a smile._

"_You're my inspiration Baby. I need you there." she said wrapping his arms around her._

"_I know Baby." she said leaning her head into his chest._


	10. Chapter 10

"Baby, are you ready?" Roger asked entering Benny and Allison's apartment. They were sitting on the couch with their heads in their hands. "What's up guys?" he asked curious.

"Roger, um... she's gone." Benny said looking up at him as Allison got up and left the room.

"What do you mean she's gone? We're leaving for the airport in a half an hour. I got here early so I can help her pack." he said looking over at him.

"She left already. There's a note for you on the nightstand." he said looking up at him.

"How could she leave like this again?" he asked rushing into the guest room. He picked up the note and quickly opened it.

_Roger, I can't let you give up what you worked so hard for me. I love you too much to let you do that. I'm gonna give you my number in LA so we can talk all the time. But you belong here. I'll be home as soon as I can. I promise. I love you and I miss you so much already. Thank you for offering to give it up for me. That means more than you actually doing it. You've always been my best friend and I love you very much._

_Cal_

"Why?" he asked looking up at Allison who was standing in the doorway.

"Because she loves you sweetie. But you have her phone number, so it's not like before." she said looking down at him.

"It's not gonna be like before Allie. I'm gonna do whatever I can do to be patient and wait for her. I won't call her to beg her to come home. But I wanted to go with her. I wanted to cheer for her like she cheered for me." he said looking up at him with tears in his eyes.

"I know. And that meant so much to her." she said walking over to him.

"I love her Allie. I would do anything for her." he cried looking up at her.

"I know sweetie. That's why she couldn't let you do this. She couldn't let you give up your life for her" she whispered holding him in her arms as he cried into her stomach.

"But I wanted to Allie. I wanted to do whatever she needed me to do so we could get married." he cried looking up at her.

"It's OK sweetie. She's gonna be OK." she said looking down at him caressing his spiked blond hair.

"I have to call her." he said looking up at her.

"Sweetie, she's probably not home yet. She's still on the plane. Why don't you come out in the living room and I'll get you a drink." she offered looking down at him.

"I can't. I don't want to drink or do any drugs anymore. She needs me clean. When she comes home, I wanna be clean." he said looking up at her.

"OK sweetie. How about I get you some soda, or iced tea and we could just talk." she smiled looking down at him.

"OK. Thanks Allie. You're really a great friend. I'm glad you found her last week. Thank you for helping us get back together." he said wiping his eyes.

"You two are my best friends Roger. Seeing you end up together is very important to all of us. You guys are the only stable relationship a lot of us has ever seen." she smiled looking down at him.

"I'm sorry I haven't been very stable lately." he said looking up at her.

"It's OK. You're only human, like everyone else." she smiled looking down at him.

"Thanks Allie." he said before they got up and left the bedroom.

"No problem Roger. We're here for you." she smiled looking up at him.

_A year ago_

"_Maureen, gimme that." Roger yelled chasing after Maureen who was waving a piece of paper in her hand._

"_Callie, you're the love of my life. Marry me or lose me forever. Love Roger." she read from the piece of paper. "Yeah Roger, I don't think this is gonna work." she said looking over at him._

"_Well I have to do something. She won't marry me. I've been asking her forever." he said taking the piece of paper from her._

"_Roger, she's just not ready. You can't force her to marry you." Allison said looking over at him._

"_She talks to you guys, right? What's the real reason why she won't marry me?" he asked looking over at her._

"_I don't know Roger. It would break best friend privilege. Whatever she tells me goes in the vault." she told him chewing her gum._

"_Come on Maureen. Don't screw with me. I really need to know why she won't marry me. I mean, I know the reason she gives me, I just want the real reason." he begged looking down at her._

"_Roger, what makes you think the reason she gives you isn't the real reason?" Allison asked looking over at him._

"_Because I know her." he said looking over at her._

"_Roger, if you want to know the real reason, ask her. I don't feel comfortable telling you what she tells us about you." Allison said looking over at him._

"_Allie, I love her. I love her more than anything in this world. I just want to know what I can do so she'll marry me." he said walking over to her._

"_Honey, you can't force her to marry you. She'll say yes when she's ready." Maureen said looking over at him._

"_I'm not trying to force her to marry me. I know she wants to. I just need to know what her reason is so I can do something about it." he said looking over at her._

"_She's not ready to settle down and have kids yet." Allison said looking over at him._

"_Allie." Maureen called out looking over at her._

"_What? He's got the right to know." she said looking up at Roger._

"_I'm not ready to have kids yet either. I want to get a record deal and I want her to be able to do what she wants to do with her life first. We don't have to have kids right away." he said looking over at Allison._

"_Roger, she feels like if you guys get married, there will be no reason why you can't have kids and then that's it. She'll never make anything of herself. All she'll ever be is your girl. She needs to be something else other then your groupie." she said looking over at him._

"_She is not my groupie. She's my muse. My life. My destiny." he said looking down at her._

"_I know Roger, but she can't help the way she feels. She wants to get back into writing, but she's got writers block. She needs to get her mind together." she said looking up at him._

"_I didn't know that." he said sitting on the couch._

"_She said she tried to tell you. But you wouldn't listen." Maureen said looking down at him._

"_I didn't. Damn, I'm such an idiot. I'm so worried about her going to my shows and my practices and stuff, she doesn't have any time to be alone to write. She tried telling me, but I wouldn't listen." he said looking up at her._

"_Well, now you'll listen, now won't you?" Maureen said sitting next to him._

"_Thanks guys. Um... can you...?" he started as Maureen took the piece of paper out of his hand._

_"Throw this out? My pleasure. There may be hope for you yet Davis." she smiled crumbling the piece of paper up and throwing it out._

"_I'm glad she has friends like you guys standing up for her. The last thing I want to do is hurt her." he said looking up at her._

"_We know Roger. You could never hurt her. You just use bad judgment. You're a guy. You're allowed to." Allison said looking down at him._

"_Thanks Allie." he smiled looking up at her._

"I'm gonna get that. You boys don't get into too much trouble." Allison laughed looking over at Roger and Benny.

"Hey, I only get into trouble when Benny's sleeping. Then he's fair game." Roger laughed looking up at her as he drank his iced tea.

"Yeah, I almost killed you for that man." Benny laughed remembering a prank Roger played on him.

"Yeah, Cal saved my life on that one." Roger laughed thinking about Callie. It had been a long time since he had been able to talk about Sally and not feel sad.

"Yeah she did. Had she not jumped between us, I was killing you with my bare hands." Benny laughed looking up at him.

"Roger, phone." Allison smiled looking over at her.

"Is it...?" he started when she nodded happily. "Thanks Allie." he smiled taking that phone from her. "Hey Baby." he smiled looking down so Benny and Allison couldn't see how happy he was.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked quietly sitting on the couch at her apartment.

"No. I could never be mad at you. I understand why you did it. You didn't want me doing something I was gonna regret." he said looking down.

"I didn't want you doing something for me that I wasn't willing to do for you. It wouldn't have been right. You have a band there and that's been your dream since you got that stupid guitar for your 12th birthday. You're really talented too Baby. You are gonna get a record deal one of these days and I'm gonna be so proud of you when that happens, but you know you wouldn't be concentrating on that if you were in LA with me. You'd be falling all over yourself supporting my writing. You wouldn't have time to concentrate on performing. That's not what I want for you. I love you too much for you to give that up for me." she said feeling better.

"I understand Baby. I love you too Cal. I miss you so much." he said trying to hide behind the wall for privacy.

"I miss you too. But we had a great night last night with our friends. And us." she smiled as Tina listened from the doorway.

"Yeah we did Baby. I'm glad we were able to do that. Um... would you mind if maybe next month I come visit you? Just for the weekend or something?" he asked sitting on the floor leaning against the wall.

"I would like that Roger. Um... I gotta go. I just called to let you know I got here OK and to make sure you weren't mad at me for leaving without you." she said looking down at her lap.

"OK Baby. I love you so much." he said looking up at the ceiling.

"I love you so much too Roger." she smiled before hanging up the phone.

"Who was that? Maureen?" Benny teased looking up at Roger as he hung up the phone and happily walked back to the couch.

"Very funny. She just wanted to make sure I wasn't mad at her for leaving the way she did." he said sitting next to Allison.

"You love her Roger. You know this is the best thing for both of you. It's the only way you can be happy together." Allison smiled looking over at him.

"Thanks Allie. I appreciate everything you've done for us." he smiled looking over at her.

"I didn't do it for you. I did it for us. We need you two together. Collins refuses to live in a world where you two are not together." she said leaning over to hug him.

"I second that." Benny said smiling at them.


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you sure this is all you need?" Maureen asked as they carried one shopping bag into the loft.

"I'm positive. All she said was to bring a bathing suit and a change of clothes. I'm only gonna be there 3 days." he said looking over at her.

"One change of clothes? Either that means she's gonna do laundry every day or... eww. I don't want to know." she whined looking up at him as he laughed.

"You wanted me and Cal back. You got us." he laughed looking over at her.

"I can't say I'm sorry, because I'm not. I like seeing you happy like this. I missed it." she smiled looking over at him.

"Me too. Are you sure you guys are gonna be OK with me going to see her alone? I know how much you guys miss her too." he asked looking over at her.

"We're sure Roger. You guys deserve a weekend away." she smiled looking up at him.

"Thanks Maureen. I appreciate you helping me pick out a bathing suit." he smiled looking dnwn at her.

"No problem. It gave me an excuse to look at those sexy legs of yours." she teased looking up at him.

"Very funny. I'm gonna go finish packing. I'll be out in a little while. We can all go to dinner before I go." he smiled looking up at her.

"Oh? Are you planning on staying longer than 3 days?" she asked looking up at him.

"Nope. Cal needs her space and I'm gonna give it to her. I don't want to suffocate her." he smiled looking over at her.

"You're really growing up Davis. I'm proud of you." she smiled looking over at him.

"Thanks." he smiled going into his room.

"Maureen get out of the bathroom. I gotta get ready to go to the airport." Roger yelled pounding on the door. He could hear the bath water running but she wasn't answering him. "Maureen, come on." he yelled again as Maureen came out of hers and Mark's bedroom.

"I'm not in there. I tried a little while ago, but I thought it was you getting ready." she said fluffing her hair.

"Is it Mark?" he asked looking over at her.

"Nope. He's still snug in our bed. Who the hell could it be? Could it be Collins?" she asked walking over to the bathroom door.

"No he stayed at Jake's last night. Come on." he yelled pounding on the door. "I'm gonna break it down." he said moving away from the door and shoving his shoulder into it hard. Soon it was open. The horror they both witnessed would stay with them for the rest of their lives. "Oh my God. April." he called out seeing his ex girlfriend on the bathroom floor soaked in her own blood. Her body was pale and there were two wounds. One on each wrist.

"Oh my God." Maureen called out covering her face. "Why would she do this?" she asked starting to walk into the bathroom. Just then Roger noticed something written in red lipstick on the bathroom wall.

"No Maureen, don't." he said grabbing her from around her waist and pushing her into the living room.

"We have to see if she's OK." she yelled looking up at him.

"She's not. She's dead. And she has AIDS." he yelled looking down at her.

"Oh my God. Does that mean...?" she asked looking up at him.

"Probably." he told her quietly.

"Oh Roger. I'm so sorry." she cried looking up at him.

"What's going on?" Mark asked rubbing his eyes before putting his glasses on.

"April's dead and Roger has AIDS." Maureen cried running to him.

"Wait a minute. What are you two talking about?" he asked confused.

"April is in our bathroom. She killed herself and left a note." Roger said sitting on the couch.

"What do we do now?" Mark asked holding Maureen.

"The cops. Um... we have to call the cops." Roger said going towards the phone. "Oh my God Cal. I have to call Cal and tell her I can't come. Man, this is gonna suck. I gotta tell her I have AIDS." Roger said looking over at them.

"Could she be positive?" Maureen asked looking over at him wiping her eyes.

"I don't know." he said as tears filled his eyes.

"I'll call the cops and then you have to call Cal. Delay your flight by a few hours. We'll deal with the cops and then you go to LA to tell Cal. You should really tell her something like this in person." Mark said looking up at him.

"Good idea. OK. I'm gonna um... go get dressed. Thanks Mark." he said looking over at him.

"No problem Roger. We'll take care of it." Mark said looking up at him as Maureen stood next to him.

"I can't believe she did this. She broke in here and killed herself in our bathroom." Maureen said looking up at him.

"I guess she wanted to make a statement." he said looking over at her.

"And Roger and Callie could be positive too. Do you think she could be lying?" she asked looking up at him.

"I don't know, but it's possible." he told her quietly before going over to the phone to call the police. Roger sat on his bed thinking about Callie. He thought about one morning, right after they got to the loft.

_5 years earlier_

"_Is it done yet?" Roger asked looking over at Callie as he sat on the edge of the tub._

"_Not yet. Another minute or so." she said pacing around the bathroom._

"_Calm down Baby. If it's positive we'll deal with it." he said getting up to go to her._

"_We're not ready for a baby Roger. I'm on the pill, I don't understand why it's even a possibility." she said looking up at him._

"_I don't know Cal." he said looking down at the test._

"_What does it say?" she asked looking up at him._

"_It's negative." he said looking down at her._

"_Oh thank God. Roger we need a better form of birth control. We can't be having a baby right now. We can barely take care of ourselves." she said looking up at him._

"_Why don't we go to the doctor and see what he says." he said looking down at her._

"_OK. But maybe it's a false negative. I could be pregnant." she said looking over at him._

"_We'll go to the free clinic around the corner." he said looking down at her._

"_OK Baby. I'm gonna go get dressed." she said looking up at him._

"_Cal, it's gonna be OK, you know? Whatever happens, we'll handle it." he said looking down at her._

"_I know Baby." she said looking up at him._

"_You're not pregnant Callie. You're just late. Have you missed any doses of your birth control pills?" the doctor said looking over at her._

"_No, I haven't. But can you give me a stronger one? I mean, the last thing I need is to get pregnant. We can't afford a baby right now." she said looking up at him._

"_There's no need. Your pills worked. But sometimes periods come late. Even on the pill." he smiled leaving the room._

"_Well, you're not pregnant, but who knew it wasn't 100 percent?" he looked over at her as a smile crossed his face._

"_That's not funny Roger. I could have gotten pregnant. We're lucky I didn't. We're 17. We can't get pregnant right now. We have things we need to do in our lives. A baby would not be a good idea now." she said looking up at him._

"_You're right Baby. But I want to have babies with you someday." he smiled looking over at her._

"_I do too, but when we're older. Not now." she said looking up at him._

"_It'll be OK Baby. We just have to be careful." he said leaning down to kiss her head._

"_Thanks Baby." she said leaning into him as he held her in his arms._

"Roger, the cops are here. They need to talk to you since you found her." Mark said sticking his head into Roger's room.

"OK. Thanks Mark." he said looking up at him, shaking himself into reality, before going out to the living room to deal with the cops. When he was done he went into his room and put the bag over his shoulder and left for the airport to catch his flight to LA.


	12. Chapter 12

As Roger got off the plane, he slowly walked to the terminal. He looked around for Callie, "Roger, you're here." she called out rushing to him. "I missed you so much Baby." she said hugging him tight.

"Hey Baby. I missed you too." he said leaning down to kiss her.

"Why did you have to take a later flight?" she asked looking up at him.

"Something was going on at the loft. I'll tell you when we get back to your place." he said looking down at her. She could tell by the look in his eyes the something wasn't right.

"What is it? Is Mark, Collins and Maureen OK?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah, they're fine. Can we just get to your place?" he asked looking down at her.

"Um... sure. OK. Let's go. My car is right outside." she said looking up at him as they left the terminal. They walked to a small Honda. It was red and it had 2 doors.

"This is a cute car." he smiled looking over at her.

"Yeah well, it's not much, but it's mine." she smiled as he tossed his bag in the back and they got in. They were quiet on the drive to Callie's place. When they arrived, he dropped his bag next to the door as Callie went into the kitchen for beer. "Do you want one Baby?" she asked holding a bottle up.

"No, I don't drink anymore. But you can have one. Um... we need to talk Cal." he said looking up at her.

"OK. What's up?" she asked opening the beer bottle walking over to the couch where they sat down.

"Um... this morning I got up to get ready for my flight and something happened that I had to deal with." he said taking her hand.

"What happened Roger?" she asked putting the beer bottle on the table.

"Um... April... she... um..." he started when she snatched her hand away.

"April? What about April Roger? Did you sleep with her again?" she asked getting up from the couch.

"No Cal. I swear. I've been staying far away from her. I haven't used, I haven't even had a beer. I love you Baby. I didn't want to jeopardize us." he said looking up at her holding back tears.

"So what about her, Roger." she asked looking down at him as she sat back on the couch.

"Um... she's dead Baby. She came into the loft in the middle of the night and slit her wrists in the bathroom." he said looking down at her as tears entered his eyes.

"Oh my God. Why would she do that?" she asked getting up from the couch.

"Baby, she left a note. Um... it's not good." he said looking down at her.

"What are you talking about Roger? What are you not telling me?" she asked looking up at him.

"She wrote on the bathroom wall that she has AIDS. We um... we have AIDS." he said looking down at her as tears streamed down his face.

"What do you mean, we have AIDS? We who, Roger?" she asked holding back tears.

"Me and her. Maybe you too. I haven't been tested yet, but if she had AIDS, so do I. I um... I shot up with her. And then we... you know." he said looking down at her.

"No. No, this can't be possible. How is this happening?" she cried walking away from him. "How could you have...?" she asked pacing the living room.

"I'm so sorry Baby. I know I was stupid. I only shot up with her a couple of times, but we could have it too." he cried looking down at her.

"No, this can't be happening. This just can't be happening. Roger, you can't be... we're not..." she started, unable to finish her sentence. "Oh my God." she said running her fingers through her long blond hair.

"Cal, I'm so sorry. I screwed up so bad. Worse than I thought." he cried going after her.

"What about us Roger? What about our kids?" she asked looking up at him.

"I don't know Baby. I'm so sorry." he cried looking down at her.

"How could I be so stupid? Why did I leave? This is all my fault. Now that I'm ready, we're dying." she cried looking up at him.

"You're ready? You're ready to come home?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah. I was gonna tell you. Oh my God Roger. What are we gonna do?" she cried looking up at him.

"We're not dying Cal. They have medicine. We can take to live longer. It's gonna be OK Baby." he cried reaching out for her.

"No. Roger, I um... I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry." she said rushing off to her room.

"Cal Baby, wait. We should talk about this." he called out trying to stop crying.

"I can't right now Roger. Please, I need time to think about this." she yelled laying on her bed.

"I understand. Um... I understand Baby. I love you Cal. I'm so sorry." he said standing in the doorway before turning to leave the apartment. Callie just laid on her bed crying. What was she gonna do? She was gonna tell Roger that she was ready to go home and get married, but now he probably had AIDS and she could too. They were gonna die young. They wouldn't be able to have kids now and she felt it was her fault. She left him almost 8 months ago and he felt lost. He slept with someone who got him into shooting heroin and now they could be dying.

Roger walked through Los Angeles feeling lost. He didn't know what he was gonna do. He knew he had to go to a clinic and get tested. Maybe he was negative. Maybe they were negative. There was no use preparing to die if they didn't have to. There was still a chance that him and Callie would be able to get married and have their family like they planned. He walked into a clinic and asked for an AIDS test.

"Cal sweetie, are you OK?" Tina called out knocking on the bedroom door.

"Go away T. I'm not in a mood." she called out. Tina could tell she was crying.

"Honey, I'm coming in." she said opening the door. "Is everything OK sweetie. Is it Roger?" she asked slowly approaching the bed.

"He's got AIDS Tina. The girl he slept with a couple of months ago killed herself in the loft and left a note saying that he had AIDS. I could have it too." she said looking up at her.

"Oh my God sweetie. Are you sure?" she asked sitting on the bed.

"They shot up together Tina. It's more than likely." she cried looking up at her.

"Has he gotten tested yet?" she asked looking down at her.

"No, but he's got it Tina. And we were together afterwards, so I could have it too." she cried looking over at her.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." she asked looking over at her.

"If I would have married him when he wanted to. Then we wouldn't be sick and we would have a life together. I can't believe this is happening." she cried sitting up to hug her.

"This is not your fault sweetie. You can't think that way." she said looking over at her.

"How is this not my fault Tina? I left him and he was a mess. I knew he would be, but I did it anyway. I was so selfish. I had to get away from him and find myself. Now we could be sick and we'll never be able to have a normal life. The life we planned on having." she yelled looking over at her.

"Where did Roger go sweetie?" she asked looking over at her.

"I don't know. He probably needed some air. Do you know he gave up drinking? He gave it up for me." she said looking down at her.

"Sweetie, he turned his life around when you went to New York. You just have to do what you can to make sure it wasn't in vein. You can be together. You can have the life you two have always wanted to have. It's not full blown AIDS yet. It's probably just HIV. There are medications that can help you live a longer, fuller life. It's gonna be OK." she said getting up to go to her.

"No, it's not. Nothing is ever gonna be OK. Since we were teenagers all we talked about was being together. Getting married, having kids. We were gonna have 5 kids so Roger could form a band. Living until we were old and gray together. Now, none of that can happen. None of it." she cried looking over at her.

"You can still get married. And you can still live a full life together. You won't be old and gray, but you can still be together." Tina said looking over at her.

"I can't. I can't watch him die Tina. He's the love of my life. I can't do it." she cried looking over at her.

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I really am." she said taking her in her arms to comfort her. Roger had entered the apartment and heard this from the living room. He wiped the tears from his eyes before leaning down to pick up his duffle bag and left the apartment quietly. He knew that this was not the life he wanted Callie to have. He went to the airport to get his flight moved up so he could go back to New York.

_6 years earlier_

"_So how many kids do you wanna have?" Callie asked laying in her bed with Roger._

_"How about 5?" he smiled holding her in his arms._

"_5? Are you serious?" she asked looking up at him._

"_Yeah, why not? 5 makes a band." he smiled looking down at her._

"_You are gonna form a band with our kids?" she asked laughing._

"_Why not?" he laughed looking down at her._

"_You are demented." she laughed looking up at him._

"_Come on. It'll be fun. We can travel the world." he smiled looking down at her._

"_And what about school?" she asked looking up at him._

"_We can get tutors. It'll be cool. You'll see." he smiled looking down at her._

"_Can you actually see me getting fat like that 5 times?" she asked sitting up in the bed._

"_You won't be fat. You'll be pregnant. That's the most amazing kind of fat." he smiled looking up at her._

"_I love you Roger." she smiled looking down at him._

"_I love you too Cal." he smiled leaning up to kiss her._

"_We're gonna have a great life, aren't we?" she asked holding his face in her hands._

"_Yeah, we are Baby. I'm gonna give you everything you deserve." he smiled kissing her again bringing her on top of him as they began to make love again._

"Sweetie, you need to get tested." Tina said looking down at her.

"I know. I'm going to the clinic tomorrow." she said looking over at her.

"Why don't you get cleaned up? Roger could be back soon." she said looking down at her.

"OK. You're right. I don't want him seeing me like this." she told her not realizing that he had already heard everything she said.


	13. Chapter 13

When Roger got back to New York, he didn't feel like going to the loft. He knew Callie would be looking for him there. He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had. He wondered the streets of New York wondering what he was gonna do. He looked around and noticed a drug dealer standing in an alley. He reached into his pocket for money before descending down the alley to buy something. He needed to get rid of this pain. He needed to escape. He rented a cheap motel room. Upon entering the room, he sat on the bed and took out the picture of Callie that was in his pocket. It was from before she left for LA. Her lips were making a puckering gesture and her eyes were closed. He always loved that picture. "I'm so sorry Baby. I'm sorry." he whispered, dragging his fingertips over her face with tears streaming down his face before preparing the shot and injected it into his veins.

"Where the hell could he be? Callie said he's been gone all night." Maureen asked pacing around the loft.

"You don't think he...?" Collins asked looking over at her.

"No. Roger did not take the easy way out. It's not his style. He's a stubborn ass. He wouldn't give up that easily." Mark yelled looking over at them.

"This can not be happening. What if he's out getting high?" Maureen asked looking over at Collins.

"Maureen, stop being such a drama queen. He quit drinking for Callie. What makes you think he would go out and get high? Get serious." Mark said getting up from the couch and pacing around.

"Well Mark, if you have any better ideas, please chime in at any time." she yelled getting in his face starting to cry.

"OK you two. Separate corners. This is not helping. We have to find him. We have to make sure he's OK." Collins said looking over at them.

"He's never gonna be OK Collins. Nothing is ever gonna be OK again. April made sure of that. That bitch ruined everything." Maureen yelled rushing into Roger and Callie's room. She went to the nightstand where Roger's favorite picture of him and Callie sat and began to cry. "Why is this happening to you two? You don't deserve this." she whispered before laying down on the bed, clutching the picture to her chest crying.

"I gotta get out of here. I'm gonna see if I can find Roger. Maybe he came home. You know how he hates seeing Callie upset." Mark said looking up at Collins before opening the door to the loft.

"Mark, we're gonna find him. He's gonna be OK." Collins said looking over at him.

"No he's not, but thanks for trying Collins." Mark said quietly before leaving closing the door behind him.

As Roger sat on the bed in the motel, he thought about his life. He grew up in Scarsdale and ran away to be with the love of his life. How did he end up like this? HIV positive and alone. But he wasn't alone. He knew Callie could be positive too and that he couldn't handle. He could've made her positive. That was too high a price for her to pay for simply loving him every moment of his life. He couldn't face her anymore. He wanted to spare his friends and loved ones the pain of watching him die fo a debilitating disease. He couldn't do that to them. It was too much for him to handle. He fought back the tears as he prepared another shot. He hoped it would be enough to end his suffering.

_11 years earlier_

"_Callie, Roger's here." Mrs. Stevens called out as Roger ran up the stairs._

"_Thanks mom. What are you doing here Roger? I'm gonna be at your house for your party in a couple of hours." she asked closing her notebook._

"_Guess what I got for my birthday from my parents." he asked excitedly sitting on her bed._

"_What?" she asked curiously._

_"A guitar. They finally bought me a guitar. I'm so excited. I'm gonna start a band and we're gonna be rich and famous." he called out smiling._

"That's awesome Roger. You've been wanting a guitar since... well forever." she smiled looking up at him.

"_Do you wanna come over and see it? It's really cool." he smiled looking over at her._

"_OK. Let me just ask my mom. She can meet me there for your party." she smiled putting the notebook down and going downstairs. He looked inside the notebook to see what she was working on. When he opened the first page, he saw his name._

_Today is Roger's 12__th__ birthday. And then I'll be 12 and I can finally tell him that I like him. If you asked me last year if I ever thought I would like Roger Davis, I would have told you that you were crazy. But I don't know what happened. One day I just looked at him and started liking him. I didn't want to because his parents and my parents are best friends and we've known each other since we were 3 and we know each others every embarrassing moment, but I can't help it. I like him. I like him a lot. I want to marry Roger when we get older but I don't want it to ruin our friendship..._

_He looked down at the page and saw all the hearts with his name written inside them. He had started liking Callie in that way too. Ever since they started junior high school. He didn't understand his feelings for her. He had started getting a funny feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about her and whenever he was round her, he would sweat. He tried to deny it, but it wasn't working very well. And now he knew she felt the same way about him. Now all he had to do was get the nerve up to do something about it._

"Cal, what are you gonna do?" Tina asked looking over at her as she looked down at the results of her HIV test.

"I guess I'm gonna go on medication." she said looking up at her.

"Are you gonna tell Roger?" she asked looking over at her.

"No. Roger is never to know about this. I'm serious. This will throw him over the edge." she said looking over at her.

"How do you know he's not already there? Maureen said that he hasn't been home yet. Sweetie, it's been almost a week." she said looking over at her.

"I don't know, but I have to go and find him. I have to make sure he's OK." she told her wiping the tears from her eyes.

"OK sweetie. I'll make the arrangements for your flight so you can find him. But I really think you should tell him about your test results." she said looking down at her.

"No. I can't T. I won't." she said looking up at her.

"OK sweetie. If that's your decision. I'll respect that." she said looking down at her before they left the clinic.

"Is he home yet?" Callie asked rushing over to Collins as he met her at the airport.

"No Babygirl. Sorry. Mark and Benny are out looking for him and Allie and Maureen are checking the hospitals." he said hugging her.

"Where could he be Collins? He left a week ago." she asked with tears in her eyes. He could tell she hadn't slept in that time.

"I don't know Cal. But we'll find him and he's gonna be OK. I promise." he said looking down at her.

"What if he's dead Collins?" she asked as tears fell from her eyes.

"He's not. You know him as well as I do and you know he's too stubborn to give up that easily. Roger never took the easy way out a day in his life. We'll find him and he's gonna be OK. Are you OK? I mean, did you get tested?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah, I got tested. Um.. I find out next week. I'll be OK. We just need to find Roger." she said looking over at him.

"Babygirl, you really need to take care of yourself. Roger's got a whole lot of people out looking for him. We're gonna find him." he said looking down at her.

"Collins, I'm so scared." she said looking up at him.

"Don't worry Babygirl. We'll find him. I promise." he said taking her hand as they left to go to the loft. He knew there was a chance that Roger was dead, but he didn't want her to know that. She had to think positive.

"Any word yet?" she asked as she entered the loft.

"No sweetie, I'm sorry. But I'm calling around to all the hospitals and Benny and Mark are printing up flyers. If he's in New York, we'll find him. I promise." Allison said getting up to hug her.

"I'm scared Allie. He's HIV positive and he hasn't started taking meds yet. What if he's out there sick? What if he's shooting up again? What if he's OD'd somewhere?" she cried looking over at her friend.

"Do not think like that Callie. We love him and we'll bring him home. I promise. Why don't you go in your room and rest? You look like hell." she smiled trying to lift her spirits.

"I can't. Not until Roger is safe at home. I'm gonna go out and look in some of our old hiding spots. Whenever we used to need a little time alone after everyone moved in, we used to wonder the city looking for someplace to be alone." she said starting to leave the loft.

"I'll go with her. Make sure she's OK." Collins said following her.

"Call me every 10 minutes Collins. Call collect if you have to. I'll pay the bill. We need to find him." she said looking up at him as he nodded and chased after Callie.

"We're not gonna find him, are we? Maureen said looking over at her.

"Not you too Maureen. We're gonna find him. If I have to hire a private investigator, we'll find him." she said continuing to call hospitals.

"Where could he be? He couldn't just disappear." Callie cried as they rushed around the city looking in all the old spots they used to go.

"He didn't disappear Babygirl. He just doesn't want to be found right now." he said with his arm around her.

"I can't believe this. Collins, what are we gonna do?" she asked looking up at him.

"I don't know Babygirl, but if anyone can get through it, it's you two. Trust me. You'll be OK." he said looking down at her. "You're tired. Why don't we go back to the loft and start again after you've had some sleep. I'll go with you no matter what time it is." he suggested looking down at her.

"I can't sleep Collins. I have to find him. He's my man and I'm his girl. He needs me right now." she said looking up at him.

"Babygirl, you're not gonna be any good to him if you run yourself into the ground. Get some rest. We'll come back out later. I promise." he said looking down at her. This time it was more stern.

"Collins, what am I gonna do if something happens to him. He's my life. I was gonna tell him that I was ready to come home. I was ready to get married and now this." she said looking up at him.

"You found yourself?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah. I was Roger's girl. It's what I was meant to be. I always knew who I was. I just stupidly thought I needed to be more. But I don't. I just need Roger and he needs me." she cried looking up at him.

"It's OK Babygirl. We'll find him. Allie's on the phone and I'm sure if he calls your roommate will let us know." he said looking down at her.

"OK. Thank you Collins. I love you." she submitted hugging him tight.

"I love you too Babygirl. You're the only girl I'll ever love." he smiled leaning down to kiss her head.

"I guess I'm a lucky girl, huh? I got two guys who love me." she smiled looking up at him.

"You bet your little ass you are." he laughed holding her in his arms.

"Thank you Collins. You've always been the best girl friend a girl could ever have. Even if you are a big, black, gay guy." she laughed looking up at him.

"That's part of my charm. That's what all the girls in school loved about me." he smiled looking down into her blue eyes.

"Come on. Maybe he came home." she said looking up at him.

"OK Babygirl. Let's go." he smiled as they walked back to the loft.


	14. Chapter 14

"His pressure is low. We have to get it stabilized." the doctor called out as he stood over Roger, who was lying on a gurney. The motel manager went to collect the rent from him a week later and didn't get a response. He opened the door to find Roger with a tourniquet around his bicep and a needle sticking out of his arm. He called 911, afraid that he was overdosing.

"His name is Roger Davis and there's a note in his wallet. It has a phone number. It looks like a California number with the name Callie on it." the nurse said going through his pockets for his identification.

"Good looking kid. Callie must be his girl. You better call her. It doesn't look like he's gonna make it." the head nurse said looking back at her.

"No way. I'm not gonna let this kid die like this. He's got a girl somewhere who is probably looking for him. Keep working on him." the doctor insisted as they continued to work on him.

_6 years earlier_

"_This place is incredible. And it's so cheap." Callie smiled looking around the loft._

"_Yeah, why is it so cheap?" Roger asked looking up at the building manager._

"_The landlord doesn't want to put any work into it and he knows he can't ask too much for it. He wants the money coming in." he said looking over at him._

"_Roger these rooms are amazing. This one could be ours. It's even got a bed in here." Callie called out from one of the bedrooms._

"_Yeah, it's partially furnished. So do you want it or not?" the manager asked looking over at him._

"_Well my girl loves it and that's good enough for me. Yeah, we'll take it." he smiled looking over at the older man before handing him some money._

"_Cool. No wild parties and I'd invest in some blankets. You're gonna need them come November." the building manager said putting the cash in his back pocket before leaving._

"_What does that mean?" Roger asked, but the building manager was already gone._

"_Don't worry Baby. We got body heat to keep us warm." she smiled running over to him throwing her arms around his neck._

"_We're gonna freeze to death here, aren't we?" he said looking down at her._

"_No we're not. We can make our own heat. We can rig something up so we could burn wood or something. It'll be OK Roger. We have our own place." she smiled leaning up to kiss him._

"_It is pretty cool, huh? A place where we could do whatever we want and be together." he smiled looking down at her._

"_Mhm. Isn't it great? Then when Collins, Mark, Nicky and Ruth get out of school they could come live with us. We have plenty of room." she smiled looking up at him._

"_So I guess I don't have much time to enjoy it being just you and me, huh?" he asked looking down at her._

"_You're gonna have to start making the best of it while you can Davis." she smiled as he leaned down to pick her up._

"_I guess I'm gonna have to Stevens." he laughed carrying her into the room Callie wanted to be theirs._

"_This is gonna be great Roger. We're together and our parents can't say anything about it." she whispered looking up at him as he gently laid her on the bed._

"_We're together. That's all that matters to me Sal." he smiled leaning down to kiss her again before they made love for the first time in their own apartment._

"Callie? Um this is Nurse Richards from Manhattan Hospital. We have a gentleman here by the name of Roger Davis and he had your name and phone number in his wallet. If you can give us a call as soon as you get this message, we'd really like to speak to you about his condition." the nurse started before leaving the phone number to the hospital on the answering machine.

"Oh my God. He looks so helpless." Callie cried softly holding on to Collins.

"He's gonna be OK. The doctor said that he OD'd but they got to him in time." he said looking down at her.

"Why would he do this? He quit drinking for me and then he goes and shoots heroin? I don't get it." she said looking up at him.

"I don't know Babygirl. Why don't you go see if you can wake him up?" he suggested looking down at her.

"I can't." she said staring at Roger in fear.

"What do you mean you can't? You just go over there and take his hand. Feeling you will wake him up." he said looking down at her.

"After everything we've been through, I don't know if I can see him like that. We had a life together. We were gonna have the rest of our lives together and now..." she cried stepping back into the hallway.

"You can still have that. You're not dying." he said looking down at her.

"I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can take this." she cried looking up at him as she leaned against the wall.

"What do you mean? Babygirl, what are you saying?" he asked looking down at her.

"He came to see me in LA and told me about April and about his HIV and then he disappears and shoots that shit in his veins. The shit that's killing him. He wanted to take his life. He wanted to leave me permanently. He doesn't want to see me Collins. He needs to get clean and accept that he's not dying. Then I can see him. Not after everything that's happened." she said wiping her eyes.

"Babygirl, he needs to see you. I don't don't think he really wanted to die." he said looking down at her.

"So why would he shoot that stuff into himself? Into the man I love if he didn't want to die?" she asked looking up at him.

"He's scared Babygirl. You should ask him yourself." he said taking her shoulders gently before leading her into the room. She sat down next to his bed and looked up at Collins before reaching out for his hand.

"Baby, wake up." she whispered starting to cry again. "Baby, no matter what, I love you. Please wake up for me." she continued before taking a deep breath.

"Cal." he called out quietly. His voice was hoarse.

"Yeah Baby. It's me. I'm here. I'm right here." she smiled looking into his green eyes.

"You shouldn't be here Cal. You should go home. I don't want you seeing me like this." he told her in barely a whisper.

"Baby, I am home. I love you. I'm your girl, right?" she asked as tears ran down her face.

"No. You're not. You're Callista Marie Stevens. You gotta go. You shouldn't be here." he said taking his hand from hers.

"Roger, What are you talking about? I wanna be here. I had to make sure you were OK. I should have been here with you all along. I wanna marry you. We should have gotten married a long time ago." she cried looking up at him.

"No Cal, I don't want you here. Please go back to LA. I'll be fine." he said looking over at her frustrated.

"Oh yeah, this is fine Roger. You almost died of an overdose. Was that your intention? Leaving me like that?" she asked looking over at him as tears streamed down her face.

"I can't put you through this. Watching me die the way people who have what I have die." he said looking over at her.

"Roger, I'm not leaving you, so stop trying to get me to." she insisted wiping her eyes.

"Cal, I'm sick and you could be too. I can't take that I did that to you." he said looking over at her.

"You didn't do anything to me Roger. I love you. I wanna be with you. No matter what." she said looking over at him.

"It's too high a price Cal. It's too high." he said looking over at her.

"We're not going anywhere Rog. Just get better." Collins said stepping forward.

"Baby, why don't you get a cup of coffee. I wanna talk to Collins alone for a minute." he asked looking over at Callie.

"I don't want to leave you Roger." she said looking over at him.

"Baby, please. I just need you to leave me and Collins alone for a little while, OK?" he said looking over at her.

"Fine. I'll be right back." she said getting and leaving the room.

"Roger, what are you doing? Why do you keep trying to get rid of Callie?" he asked looking down at him.

"I need her to go Collins. I don't want her wasting her life on me. She needs to go back to LA and have a life. A real one. Not one watching me die." Roger told him as tears fall down the side of his face.

"How do you expect to do that? You know her. She's as stubborn as you are." he said sitting on the chair Callie had just vacated.

"Well I need her to go. I need her to go on with her life. I have to break up with her." he said looking over at him.

"What do you mean you have to break up with her? Roger, you're not making any sense." he said looking over at him.

"I don't want her to do this. I don't want her seeing me like this. She needs to go on with her life." he said looking up at him.

"Roger, she loves you." he said looking over at him.

"I love her too and that's why I can't let her stay here. You gotta help me figure out how to get her to go back to LA." he said looking over at him.

"How am I supposed to do that? You know this is gonna kill her." he asked looking over at her.

"I'll try not to hurt her too bad Collins." he said reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"I know Cal, Roger. I don't know how that's possible. She loves you with everything she is." he said quietly looking down at the floor. "Um... Rog. Did you try to kill yourself?" he asked looking over at him.

"Yeah, I did. I can't live with myself anymore. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her." he said looking over at him.

"Rog, you didn't hurt her. There's a chance she's negative. She took a test and she's waiting for the results. You didn't have to do this." he said looking over at him.

"Collins, she's my life and I could have ended hers. What the hell was I thinking? I was lonely and I was shoving that shit up my nose, I couldn't think straight. And I slept with April and then I shot up. I'm such an idiot." he said looking over at him.

"Rog, you can't think about that right now. All you should be thinking about is getting out of here and cleaning up your life. What are you gonna do about Cal?" he asked looking over at him.

"I don't know Collins. I just need to spare her all of this shit." he said looking up at him as Callie stood in the doorway listening. She wanted to spare Roger from all of it too. The last thing she wanted was for him to know she was positive. Knowing that would kill him for sure. She turned around and left the hospital.


	15. Chapter 15

"I can get myself into the loft. I'm not crippled." Roger yelled frustrated by being taken care of.

"Roger, what is your problem? I'm trying to help you and you keep fighting me." Allison asked looking over at him as he walked to his room.

"I can take care of myself Al." he yelled getting into bed.

"Fine Roger. I'm gonna go make you something to eat." she said looking down at him.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep. Why don't you go out and hang out with Benny. Collins will be here any minute." he said as she stood in the doorway.

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?" she asked looking over at him.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you. I'm trying to get a minute alone. You're suffocating me." he yelled not looking at her.

"Yeah well Roger, Callie was my best friend. I have to take care of you." she said quietly looking down.

"Well I don't need you to take care of me Al. I can do it fine on my own. Just go back to Benny. I'll be fine." he said holding back tears.

"You want me to leave?" she asked walking over to him.

"Yes." he said turning to her.

"Roger, Callie'll be home soon. Maybe she just needed to take care of things in LA. she said sitting on the bed next to him.

"No, she's not. I don't want her to come back. I don't want her to watch me die. She needs to do something with her life. If she's negative, which I hope she is, she just needs to forget about me and live a normal life." he said looking up at her.

"You know she loves you Roger. She'd want to be with you for however long that is." she said as tears entered her eyes.

"No Al. I don't want her wasting her life watching me die. I want her to remember me for who I was, not who this disease is gonna turn me into. Please, just go. I can't talk about this anymore." he pleaded looking up at her.

"Is this really what you want Roger?" she asked wiping her eyes.

"Yes." he said looking over at her.

"OK. I'll go. Don't do anything stupid, OK? Please. You are still loved and you are not alone." she told him quietly leaning in to kiss his head.

"I'll try." he whispered looking up at her.

"Um... I'll call you later, OK?" she asked looking up at him.

"Thanks Al." he told her as a tear escaped his eyes.

"No problem Roger." she whispered leaving the loft.

"Rog, are you guys here?" he called out opening the door. "Roger?" he called out going into Roger's room. He heard Roger crying. "Are you OK man?" he asked going over to the bed.

"I can't do this anymore." he said looking up at him.

"You miss Callie, don't you?" he asked looking over at him.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said getting up from the bed.

"Do you regret sending her back to LA?" he asked looking over at him.

"No. I did the right thing for her. She doesn't need to be stuck here taking care of me. She deserves the best." he cried looking over at him before putting his jacket on.

"Where are you going?" he asked looking up at him.

"Out. I gotta get out of here." he said as Collins looked up at him.

"Roger, what are you gonna do?" he asked looking over at him.

"I just gotta get out of here." he said looking down at him as he left the loft.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take." Maureen said pacing around the loft.

"Yeah, I liked it better when he was drinking and snorting coke. At least he was coming home every night." Collins said sitting on the window seat.

"I'm done. I'm not dealing with this anymore. He's been like this for weeks. He gets hospitalized for an OD and then Callie goes home, for whatever reason. But I'm sure he did something stupid to chase her away and now he's out there doing God knows what with God knows who. He could be spreading the disease. I can't do this anymore." Mark yelled looking up at her before going into his room.

"I don't understand him anymore. Just when I get used to him defending Roger at all costs, he flip flops on me and the tables are turned." she said putting her hands on her hips looking towards the bedroom door.

"Well, I'm sorry to say this Babygirl, but I'm with Mark on this. There's nothing we can do. I'm afraid only Callie can save him now, but she's not coming back." he said getting up from the window seat.

"What are you saying? No one around here cares if Roger lives or dies but me? You're the ones who grew up with him and I'm the only one who cares about his well being? This is ridiculous Collins. I never thought I would see the day when you turn your back on him." she yelled looking over at him.

"No Babygirl. I just don't have the energy to find my best friend dead with a needle sticking out of his arm. I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow to see if Roger came home." he said quietly leaning over to kiss her head before leaving the loft. Maureen sat on the couch and looked around. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She remembered the loft back in their hay day.

_3 years ago_

"_Callie, Roger get out here. You gotta see this." Maureen called out sitting on the couch watching one of Mark's films from when Mark, Collins, Roger and Callie were younger._

"_What are you yelling about Maureen? Roger and I were busy." Callie asked as she came out and Roger trailed closely behind._

"_You can make out later. You gotta see this." she smiled looking up at them._

"_Oh man. Where did you find that?" Roger asked smiling up at Mark._

"_Maureen wanted to see some stuff I filmed of you guys back then, so I took it out." he smiled sitting on the couch next to Maureen._

"_You guys looked so cute back then." she laughed looking up at her before directing her attention back to the wall._

"_Oh my God. You gotta be kidding me. You still have that?" Callie laughed looking over at Mark as Roger sat on the couch pulling Callie onto his lap._

"_I remember this. It was Cal's sweet 16." Roger smiled looking up at her._

"_That was the most awkward party I've ever been to." she laughed looking down at him._

"_What do you mean?" Maureen asked confused._

"_Look how me and Roger are acting. That was before we started dating. Just by like a month and a half, but we were so awkward." she laughed looking over at her as Roger held her around her waist._

"_God, I wanted to ask you out that night. Seeing you in that dress made me dizzy." he smiled leaning over to kiss her as she laid back against the arm of the couch._

"_Oh man, look at Nicky and Ruth. Now they were meant to be. They started dating that summer. They kept torturing us into getting over our fears and start dating already." Callie smiled looking over at Roger._

"_You looked so beautiful that night." Roger smiled caressing her hair._

"_You didn't look too bad yourself." she smiled leaning over to kiss him before resting her head on his shoulder. "Maureen, did you know that was the first night he actually really danced with me without complaining?" she asked smiling up at the screen._

"_Really?" she asked looking over at her._

"_Yep. I even requested a song for her too. It was lame, but it was one of her favorite songs." he smiled looking over at Callie._

"_What song?" Maureen asked looking back at them._

"_Never Say Goodbye by Bon Jovi." Callie smiled looking up at Roger who leaned in to kiss her head._

"_That is so sweet. You guys were so cute back then." she smiled looking up and watching the screen. The scene that was showing was of Roger and Callie dancing. They were gazing into each others eyes and the electricity was undeniable._

"_I happen to think we're still pretty cute." Callie smiled looking up at Roger._

"_Nah, it's you who's cute Baby. I'm just along for the ride." he smiled leaning down to kiss her. Mark put his arm around Maureen and leaned in to kiss her head_.

"Cal sweetie, you have to come home." Maureen said sniffling from crying.

"I can't Maureen. I heard him and Collins talking when he was in the hospital. He doesn't want me there and he's right. I can't do it anymore." she said curling her feet under he body.

"Sweetie, he's been gone for 2 days. We don't know where he is, but we know that he's um... he's using again." Maureen said fighting the tears that were threatening to return to her eyes.

"I can't Maureen. I love him so much, but I can't watch him kill the man I love." she said starting to cry.

"Cal, he needs you. He's in there and he needs you to save him." she pleaded into the phone.

"Maureen, he made it clear that he doesn't want me around. I can't keep watching him try to kill the man I love. I'm sorry I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry Maureen. I love him too much to do that." she cried hanging up the phone on her and unplugging it. She laid down on the couch and cried. She knew she couldn't help Roger until he wanted her help and when she heard him in his hospital room talking to Collins, she knew he couldn't take her knowing she had HIV and he was the one who gave it to her. She couldn't take seeing him in pain and that wouldn't change anytime soon. She decided to just try to go on with her life.

"Sweetie, what happened?" Tina asked rushing out of her room.

"Roger's been gone for 2 days and he's using again. I can't do this anymore T. He's killing the man I love and I can't take it anymore." she cried looking up at her.

"Sweetie, I know this is hard for you. You should have told him you're positive. He would have taken care of you." she said looking over at her.

"No, he can't know. You can't tell anyone Tina. Swear to me." she cried looking up at her.

"OK sweetie, I swear. I won't. Um...if you want we can change the phone number." she asked looking down at her.

"Yeah, I think that's best. I can't keep getting these phone calls. I can't take it." she cried leaning up to hug her.

"No problem sweetie. I'll take care of it tomorrow." she said comforting her.

"Thank you Tina. I really think this is for the best." she said looking over at her. "Um, I'm gonna go in my room." she said looking up at her.

"Are you sure you're OK to be alone?" she asked looking over at her.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." she said getting up to go into her room. She held a photo of her and Roger close to her chest before laying down and going to sleep.

"That's it. We're on our own. Callie's done." Maureen said looking over at Collins.

"Do you blame her? She went back to LA without even saying goodbye to him. She can't take it anymore. He's killing her man and there's nothing we can do about it. It's not fair to her." he said looking down at her.

"So now it's up to us. We have to find him and get him through withdrawal and into treatment for his HIV. Easy, right?" she asked looking up at him.

"Yeah, easy." he answered quietly before taking her into his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

"Get the hell out of the way or I'll go right through you, I'm warning you Maureen. I don't want to hurt a girl." Roger yelled trying to get out of the loft as Maureen stood in his way.

"Yeah, and then I'm gonna have to kick your ass Roger." Collins said going over to him.

"What is your problem? I just wanna go out. You can't hold me hostage here. That's kidnapping." he asked looking over at him. He looked strung out and he was obviously in pain from not using for a little a while.

"Our problem is we don't want to see our friend kill himself by using that crap. You're better than that Roger." he said looking up at him.

"I'm dying anyway what's the difference what finally does me in?" he asked looking up at him.

"You're not dying Roger. You have HIV. There's a difference." Collins said looking over at him.

"What the hell do you two know about it?" he asked stumbling over to the couch to sit down.

"Because I'm positive too." Collins told him looking down.

"When?" Roger asked surprised.

"Last month. Jake and I broke up and I thought I should get tested." he said looking down at him.

"I'm sorry Collins." he said looking up at him. Tears filled his eyes.

"It's not a death sentence Roger. The doctors said I could live like 10 years with it. Maybe more. It's gonna be OK." he said looking down at him.

"How come you didn't tell me sooner?" he asked looking over at him.

"You were busy feeling sorry for yourself for having it. What was I supposed to do? Tell you while you were laying strung out in an alley?" he yelled looking down at him.

"I'm so sorry Collins. For everything. I'm sorry." he cried leaning over to hug him.

"Roger, you gotta get clean man. You gotta get on meds and start fixing your life before it's too late." Maureen said looking down at him.

"It's already too late. Callie's gone for good. I have nothing to live for. I just tried to speed it up so I wouldn't have to live without her." he cried gripping his stomach. "I gotta get out of here." he said getting up and going for the door.

"Roger, don't you leave this loft. You're going through withdrawal. You need to do that to clean up your life." Maureen said looking over at him.

"What if I don't want to clean up my life? I don't have a reason to live anymore. Cal's gone and I'm never gonna get her back." he yelled looking over at her. "Has anyone talked to her?" he asked looking down at her.

"She changed her phone number after the last time I called her to tell her that you weren't doing so well and you needed her." she said looking down.

"You shouldn't have tried calling her. It's not her problem anymore. I didn't want to be her problem anymore. I didn't want her to watch me die." he said looking down at her.

"Well now we don't have any way to get in touch with her. Are you happy now?" she yelled looking over at him.

"She needs to go with her life. Her life without me. What don't you understand about that statement Maureen? Just leave her alone." he yelled at her before rushing into his room.

"What do we do now? We stopped him from going out now, but what about next time?" she asked looking over at Collins.

"I'm gonna stay out here in case he needs me to do it again. It's gonna be a long road, but hopefully we can get him through it." he said sitting on the couch leaning his head on the back of the couch.

"Me too. I'll make coffee." she said going into the kitchen.

_4 years earlier_

"_Collins. We missed you so much." Callie called out rushing to Collins as he entered the loft._

_"I missed you so much Babygirl. You were right. This place is great." he smiled leaning down to hug her as he looked around the loft._

"_Come on, I'll show you your room. This is gonna be awesome. We're together again." she smiled looking up at him._

"_Your parents told me to tell you hi for them. You should call them. You're 18 now, they can't make you come home anymore." he said looking down at her._

_"This is our home now Collins. It's the only place Roger and I could be together without them trying to tear us apart." she said looking up at him._

"_Where is Roger anyway?" he asked looking around._

"_He's at band practice. I usually go with him, but I wanted to be here to greet you." she smiled looking up at him._

"_How's he doing with that?" he asked looking down at her following her to his room._

"_Great. His band the Well Hungarians is one of the hottest club bands in the village, thank you very much." she smiled proudly looking up at him._

"_That's great Cal. I always knew he had talent." he smiled looking down at her._

"_And, he started off as lead guitarist, but now he's the lead singer." she smiled as he put the bag on the bed in the corner of the room._

"_That's amazing. You must be proud of him." he smiled looking down at her._

"_Yeah, you can say that." she smiled looking up at him. "You should see him up there Collins. He's amazing." she smiled looking up at him._

"_I can't wait Babygirl." he smiled looking down at her._

"What are we gonna do Maureen?" he asked looking back at her.

"I don't know sweetie. But when he realizes he's not dying and wants Callie back, he's gotta be clean." she said looking down at the counter.

"Where are you going?" Mark asked looking up at Maureen as she came out of the bedroom dressed up.

"Out. I need some air and I need to get drunk." she said looking over at him.

"What about Roger? Collins won't be home until later." he asked looking up at her.

"You can stay with him. You haven't done anything. He's your friend too. I need a break." she said looking over at him.

"What am I supposed to do when he tries to leave? I can't stop him." he asked getting up from the couch.

"He won't. He's sleeping now. He was up all night last night and most of the day. If he tries to leave, just stand in front of the door and tell him he's doing this for Callie. He'll go back in his room and cry himself to sleep. Just hearing her name these days gets his mind off of it. I'll be back later." she said leaving the loft. As she walked around the village, she looked for someplace to go. Someplace where there was no Mark, no Roger and his withdrawal and most of all, no memories of how great things used to be before HIV came into their lives. She saw a bar on the corner and entered it. As she sat down, there was an attractive black woman next to her.

"What can I get you miss?" the bartender asked standing in front of her.

"Martini. Dirty." she smiled looking up at him before hanging her purse on the back of the chair.

"Bad day?" the black woman asked looking over at her.

"I guess you can say I've had a bad life so far. Nothing a few of these can't cure. For a little while at least." she answered looking over at her.

"Joanne." the black woman smiled holding her hand out to her.

"Maureen. Nice to meet you." she smiled shaking her hand.

"You too. So what do you do?" she asked looking over at her.

"Not much other than taking care of my friend lately, but I wanna be an actress." she said looking over at her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. You're friend OK?" she asked drinking her cosmopolitan.

"Not yet, but he will be. It's a long story." she said taking a sop of her martini.

"I've got time." Joanne smiled looking over at her as Maureen started telling her about it.

The rest as they say is history. Not only stage history, but film history as well. I hope you enjoyed this story, but this is the end of Big Girls Don't Cry. I may be continuing it and I may not. I haven't decided yet. But please read and review and keep reading my other stories. Thanks

Renthead621


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